Creating Boundaries that Last

Hello my readers! Happy new week.

Today’s blog post got me excited and made me want to create an e-book, but the labor got me in chains, so for now we will do a blog post. 

Let’s talk about boundaries.

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 Before I researched this topic, I thought boundaries were about speaking loud about how you want to be treated in different spaces you are and I was right, but there is more to it and, to be honest, I didn’t really have solid boundaries that lasted for a long period of time. Most of my boundaries stemmed from how I would see people treating themselves or if someone provoked me and I realised that I didn’t like it.

 From my research, boundaries take various forms from rigid to loose to healthy boundaries. Rigid boundaries put you in a place where you avoid close relationships and distance yourself from others. If you have loose or open boundaries, you might get involved with other people’s problems and find it difficult to say no to different requests from people and over share your life. When it comes to healthy boundaries, you understand your personal needs and wants and you know how to communicate clearly your expectations from people and you respect other peoples’ boundaries as well.

There are different types of boundaries, namely physical, financial, intellectual and emotional boundaries. Physical boundaries refer to your personal space or your body. Financial refers to how you engage with your money, sticking to a budget. Intellectual boundaries refer to your thoughts, beliefs or ideas. What do you believe in when it comes to different aspects of your life? What are your thought patterns, negative or positive? Emotional boundaries refer to a person’s feelings. Having emotional intelligence to avoid oversharing or acting out of character. 

Here are some steps to creating boundaries that last for a long time:

SOLIDIFY YOUR ‘WHO’

Who are you? I have answered this question so many times since I was a kid, in different relationships, and the hardest one was asking myself and being truthful without the pressure of trying to impress. This question is loaded with what you are aligned with at the moment; personality, your roots and desires. To create boundaries that will stick, you need to take the time to envision the person you want to become and show up as her and know the needs and wants of that person. You need to know what defines you from your roots or your clan (where you come from).

ANSWER THE ‘WHY’

To build strong boundaries, that last, you need to ask yourself  why the boundaries are important to you. How will they benefit you?

BE ACCOUNTABLE

Be your own accountability partner when it comes to your boundaries. Communicate if someone consistently overteps a boundary or even when they do it just one time. If one boundary slides, you have to explain too much and try to make sense to the one who got away with it. Its taxing. Be consistent with your boundaries.

RECOGNISE OTHER PEOPLE’S BOUNDARIES

After you have created your boundaries, remember that your circle of friends, your family, your husband or wife have boundaries too. Observe, listen and respect the boundaries they have made known to you / the ones you have noticed. 

This is it, my readers. Feel free to share tips that have worked for you when it comes to setting boundaries that last.

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