CocaCola 8

Amandla picks up the phone

“Hey baby girl, so I’m 30 minutes away from your house. I thought we could do our little book date barefoot chilling with no fancy clothes at your house. Let us call it a grounded book date”, Tinaye lowers the volume in her car.
“What did you to my best friend?”, Amandla laughs.
“Just answer yes or no”, Tinaye clicks her tongue.
“Yeah you are still reigning. Yes”, Amandla laughs
“Did you finish your chores”
“Not yet”, Amandla takes the broom.
“I’m sure your ears heard enough from your mother by now” Tinaye laughs.
“Don’t even start”, Amandla rolls her eyes.
Tinaye laughs
“See you in a few minutes”, Tinaye hangs up the phone.

Living a private life is a success when you don’t have a friend who keeps track of wjat you do. Not that I am complaining because I stay in my mind a lot and I need to vent sometime. Never thought I would say this but I am grateful for a friend like Tinaye.

Tinaye knocks on the door and as Amandla walks towards the door Edward sends her a message.

I can’t stop thinking about you.

Amandla smiles.

“Bitch you hate me that much to the extent of not opening the door for me”, Tinaye rolls her eyes.
“Its not like you open the door for me when I come to your place”, Amandla winks.
Tinaye looks at Amandla smiling.
“You are glowing”
“Hush, the walls are always listening”, Amandla opens the door to her room.
“Okay missy I’m all comfortable on this bed, spill the tea. Wait I need some popcorn mixed with chips. Do you have wine hidden somewhere?”, Tinaye bumping on the bed.
“Its too early for wine”, Amandla sits on her rocking chair.
“Yeah just to note wine knows no time. Any time is tea time.”
“He is sweet but he seems like a private person.”
“Did you kiss him.”
Amandla keeps quiet for some time
“We kinda did more than that.”
Tinaye screams and Amandla quickly covers her mouth.
“Girlfriend you are freaky. Please tell me he has a fancy house.
“I am a little embarrassed but let me just tell you”, Amandla bites her nails.
“Tell me already”, Tinaye laughs.
“We did it in a little secret place in the library”
Tinaye stands up and claps her hands.
“Well done girlfriend, the beast in you has risen”, Tinaye laughs
“You are extra. He sends sweet messages. I dont know if I should say we are dating or not.”
“Whoa girlfriend this is temporary, don’t get twisted”, Tinaye taps Amandla on the shoulder
But I am falling hard, how do I go back to being in control.
“Guarding my heart always girlfriend”, Amandla smiles.
“Since you don’t want some wine, I can just pour myself a glass and celebrate my friend’s freakiness”, Tinaye pours herself a glass.

CocaCola 7

“Amandla! Hurry up with the water people are burning in here.”

One thing about having an African parent, its not a complete day without being embarrassed, the worst is over water. It feels like you are useless.
“Coming mother.”
Amandla brings the water to the table and serves her elders.
Her grandfather coughs
“Amandla you are all grown, my mother tells me you never leave the library. Who is your favorite author?”
“Yes Sekuru, at the moment my favorite author is Robin Sharma.”
“Ndingazvizive zvevanyori vemazuva ano, tinongoziva vedu anaCharles Mungoshi.”
The family cracks a laugh
Welcome to the family of books. I wonder if I should text and tell him that I miss him…is it too early? Tinaye would probably say no because of her pride she holds so close to her heart.
“Amandla, go and collect the fruits in the car and give Sekuru and we can head home.”
“Okay mother.”
A message pops up on Amandla’s phone from Edward.
Hey boo, I miss you
Talking about who is supposed to text first, seems like I’m in a different world where it doesn’t exist. I would write a short paragraph but the games are not the same.
I miss you more!

Amandla smiles as she puts the fruits in the kitchen and settles in the lounge.
Her mother leans forward preparing to say goodbye.
“Sekuru, regai tiende mosara zvakanaka”, Amandla’s mother smiles
“Maitabasa nekuuya kuzondiona, mufambe mushe”, Amandla’s grandmother balances his stick to escort them out together with other family members.

“Amandla when you come back you can tell me about your favourite author, you can never know he might make the list”, Amandla’s grandfather taps her on the shoulder.

“I will grandfather”, Amandla smiles and gets into the car.

It all began with Robin Sharma, journaling and talking about how much I have a lot to write about my feelings which ended being all about a librarian I called Mrs. Hastings. A documentation would be nice.

****

Amandla’s alarm goes off coupled by pots banging in the kitchen and continuous murmuring in her room.

“Amandla wake up before mom throws a tantrum on you.”

“I’m guessing that’s why you are mumbling Ms. Nomsa”, rolling in her bed.

“She always reminds me about my terrible choices that gave me a baby and it’s not like I’m not reaping what I sow”, Nomsa wipes her tears.

Amandla sighs

“She is just hurt and you should understand that”, Amandla pats Nomsa on the shoulder.

“You don’t understand”, Nomsa brushes Amandla’s hand and storms off.

Well good morning to you too. Dear Robin Sharma sometimes my great personality filters many things but the important thing is to live right. A full bookie life, who would have thought that a bookie and a librarian could be a thing…wait do I have a boyfriend now.

Amandla’s phone rings

Time to spill the beans

CocaCola 6

Amandla’s phone rings

“Don’t answer that”, Edward holds her by the hip.
Amandla grins as Edward kisses her neck to arouse her.
Yes Sir, I wouldn’t leave here even if I wanted to, my body is screaming for you. Panties on the floor, jeans stuck on the book shelf feels like I’m in a movie without having to go through all the lines, just being a natural actor. Is it too early for a bookie to say that she has found her one?

“Let me just check who it is and we can go back to being wild”, Amandla winks
I don’t know if that sounds out of sorts but hell how do you describe having sex in a secret place in the library. Maybe the appropriate word was adventurous.

Amandla looks at her phone
Why would my mom call me at this hour? According to the curfew times crafted by mummy dearest, I’m still okay.
Amandla picks up the phone.
“Amandla, where are you?
“I’m at the library”, Amandla looks at Edward.
“I’m coming to pick you up. We have to go see your grandfather he is not feeling well”, Amandla’s mother responds with an authoritative voice.
Party is over
“Okay mother.”
Amandla hangs up the phone.


Edward fondles Amandla’s breasts but Amandla pushes him aside.
“Did I do something wrong?”, holding Amandla’s hands.
Amandla smiles
“No, my mother is coming and I don’t want to arouse you and leave you with blue balls plus we have been here for long.
Who are you Amandla? Your wild character came back with a bang.
“We can do a quickie and we both go home satisfied”, Edward winks
Amandla laughs
Edward grabs her by the waist and kisses her.
Dear bookie life, I don’t know how to control myself around this man.
Amandla withdraws from Edward
“I have to go”, Amandla buttons her shirt and takes her bag.
“I had a great time”, Edward smiles.
Amandla waits at the entrance of the library and her mother arrives five minutes later.
“The library seemed closed, what were you still doing there?”, Amandla’s mother looks at her suspiciously.
“I was helping a friend clear the books that were returned”
“It’s like you are married to that library”, Amandla’s mother grins.

“Books are life mother.”

And sometimes they are witnesses to secret pleasures in the dark corners of the library but fortunately they cannot testify. You are falling way too deep bookie.

Letters To God: Forgiveness

Dear God

I would like to believe that I forgive people when they wrong me after some time depending with how they hurt me. What does not make sense is the uncomfortable feeling and the rage I feel towards them when I see them. In that moment all the memories come back and I just want to burst. Lets just break it down. Sisters and brothers fight all the time and sometimes we go beyond to the point of breaking each other emotionally or mentally. I fight with my sisters and sometimes we take it far and we don’t communicate like we normally do until we decide to just let it go and let it pass or we are united with a song and just dance it away. Our own way of saying I forgive you. I know I tell people that we should not go to bed angry at each other but I don’t always practice what I preach. The fact that I leave things unresolved makes me dance with the past and the next time something brews, all the things I thought I moved on from and forgave resurface. It’s a roller coaster ride.

I have realized that I don’t really forgive, I brush things off to protect my peace of mind. Even though I make excuses to run away from sitting down and asking your guidance to help me forget what a person did to me, I think its time to act. One Sunday at church, the Father said I should make a list of the people I have not fully forgiven and work on them one by one.

I feel like its mentally draining but I have to stop dancing with the past.

Your Daughter

Nicole

Letters To God: Wisdom

Dear God

I am a loud mouth and sometimes I am proud of it because it gets me through things that can destroy me mentally for example in Zimbabwe, we have street harassers who feel obliged to tell women that they are loose because of what they are wearing. I have moments when I don’t think about what I say and it hurts people or let’s make it lighter and say it offends people. Sometimes I am not moved because I feel I have said my truth. I wouldn’t call myself holier than thou and say I have not judged someone in a bad way because I have. Minding your own business is kind of hard for me, I cannot normalize talking about myself more, its always something about someone. Its really sad how much time I spend talking about someone and I try to fight it all the time.

I have done devotions and understood wisdom to some extent and I was actually surprised listening to myself preaching about how much we should normalize talking about ourselves, avoid the desire to follow fools because earthly things are sweet to them. It felt good preaching about it but I realized its hard to execute. Earthly things are so beautiful, gossip and judgement make a day worth living.

I blame it on fear sometimes. I can live a life filled with wisdom but I fear loneliness, inability to live my life to the fullest and living in constant regret. Worst of all I fear disappointing you.

I think that’s okay because you know when the time is right to act accordingly, you have your way of showing us when something has reached its due date. I am grateful.

Your Daughter

Nicole

Letters To God: Faith + Effort

Dear God

I am kind of embarrassed about sharing my faith journey with you because I have been playing games. Let me start with how negativity is a huge part of my journey of faith. I tell myself numerous times that I have faith that I will pull through whatever situation I am in at that time and I actually feel better. The funny part is its only for a few minutes and negativity just comes knocking on my door and I start to think about how much I deserve what’s happening to me. I start to nurture the pain, the sadness, the grief. I start telling myself I can’t do it; I am not strong enough. The uniqueness of negativity baffles me.

And then we have what we call the borrowed faith syndrome, I got the name from a fellow blogger, I didn’t have the name for it. I have a friend or should I say acquaintance because we do not share much about our lives to each other. Her faith in you is impeccable and for a moment I try to do what she does on social media but I end up sitting and thinking about about what tomorrow holds for me and yes sometimes I wish I could just take time and reminisce on the word of God that was preached to me in church but all I can say is, “Thank you Lord for making me go to church.” I spend so much time browsing what she says and telling myself that I want to know God as much as she does. I want to have faith in God as much as she does but I can only taste that which I envy for a few minutes and drown in negativity.

I don’t give myself time to invite you into my life and build faith gradually because it is a process. The effort is minimal and I have heard this statement more than 10 times, “Faith without work is nothing”, and say amen but without putting much thought into it.

Even though I don’t have faith, I overcome barriers and I celebrate the recoveries. I know it is a sign from you that I can count on you but sometimes I am a hot head and a lover of earthly things to the extent of falling in love with negativity and I fear the journey filled with tests of a bumpy road.

Your Daughter

Nicole

Letters To God: The Relationship Field

Dear God

With the way I have been in so many relationships, I don’t know why I am not called a relationship guru. Its just that you can never know what someone has up their sleeve and it sucks. I have realized that the biggest issue with relationships is identity theft whether you are in a love relationship, friendships or family. Here is a little story. I have had my fair share of friendships that have reached to the extent of me changing my identity in terms of how I handle situations. That moment when you tell yourself I will never be desperate and you find yourself begging to someone because of the company you keep. I looked at myself in the mirror and I could not recognize myself because of the weight of people’s identities on my shoulders. You start to feel like a heavy weight champion. You become the shadow and sometimes yes, I won and made someone a shadow but that’s nothing to be proud of. Its not normal to trade identities like that. When it comes to family you are always competing with someone in terms of grades and character. I have aunties, mothers who will be eyeing your progress to wait for that time to comment who is doing well around you to feel like an outcast. Love is all about sacrifices and yeah habits are easily passed on to the other and doing a lot for someone can eat your time to be yourself. With the way love has been portrayed as a fairytale, I craved to be loved in a way that makes everyone talk but it takes so much of who I am to cater for someone who can be temporary.

What happens when I grab my identity by the horns? People flee.
And I keep living but with the thought that I have lost something that I valued to some extent and it takes time to ctrl alt delete. Its hard to let go.

The process of healing consists of days, weeks or even months of eating junk food and telling myself that I have to focus on myself…the damage is brutal.
The question always comes back and haunts me
Why do you need a friend?
Why do you need a boyfriend?

My initial answer would be, ” I am stupid and I can’t imagine a life without someone to share my dramatic life with.”

But…

I want to live a full life knowing that I have tasted the sweet waters and the bitter waters. Living a life without thinking about tomorrow but today and what I can make of it. Being able to realise that it’s sufficient.

Your Daughter
Nicole

Letters To God: The Doubting Times

Dear God

Well to start off this is my first written letter to you and I bet you know that already. I have walked long distances with a little casket called doubt. My heart beats so fast when I feel like I’m capable of doing something that can change the world. I see an opportunity and I’m like wow this is me but I sit in a corner and watch someone go through the whole process and give my two cents. Its like I’m afraid of where my mind takes me. Some people would say I’m lazy and it can be true, I’m not so sure. I have flashbacks of the times I was told I was a failure and I could never be anything in life and it feels like a demon that has been put inside of me to doubt myself each time I want to move mountains. Woo, I try to fight it but every time I forget you are the Most High and think that I can win this battle of doubt. In those moments I feel like a superhero and thanks to the media I can choose to name myself Batman, Supergirl or Wonder Woman to my own battles and lie to myself that I have everything under control. Yeah, your daughter is some piece of work. I go on YouTube and they tell me seek God, invite him in your life and I feel motivated and kneel down and pray, read the bible, listen to more devotions and all of a sudden it comes to a stop. Commitment is expensive and its crazy because your commitment to all of us on earth is tremendous. You give us life every day. If people ask me that one time, I have embarrassed myself, its that moment when I fail to commit to you when you have done infinity things for me. I get stuck in a corner with my golden casket.

But you are an amazing God, the swag you have is impeccable. A month ago, I told myself that I have such a good brain, writing down what could be the best project I have ever done. Yeah Ms. Doubt knocked on my door and yes, my heart was beating fast and everything but I chose to believe in myself. I didn’t let it slide. I am grateful. I am normalizing telling myself that I am a genius even though some experiments are a time ticking bomb. I am not consistent with you but I know it’s a journey and I don’t have to bite myself but push myself to seek you more.

You move mountains and trust me the whole superhero phases are crazy but you have an imperfect daughter and sometimes yes, we all want a shot at being Wonder woman or better yet Black Panthress.


Your Daughter
Nicole

A Love Letter To Me


It seems so easy to write a love letter. I’m feeling a little bit nervous but fortunately not sweaty.

You are beautiful
You are a phenomenal woman
I love the way you smile and leave your mark on people
It’s a precious gift
The way you talk to yourself is just different because in a way you will be motivating yourself to do better, to get up when the going gets tough. Sometimes you decide to chill and let it sink in but we might have to fix that. Don’t get me wrong I’m not controlling.

The way you dance in the mirror is phenomenal, the way I keep saying phenomenal is just insane but you are just a phenomenal woman, I can’t help it. I bet no one knows you can dance like that except your family.
I’m jealous of the way people love you so much sometimes, I feel like my love might not be enough. They take care of you, tell you how much they love you with so much compassion even if they are having a shitty day. Reflecting on how many times I have told you I love you it’s mostly when I feel good about myself…you know victorious. I promise I can change, sounds cliché but change can’t be expensive forever.


I love the way you are so simple; you are not part of a world of forks and knives or fancy accents. Its forever your time to shine even if its dim.

Woo, I hope I’m not yet corny
Because you make me feel so happy, so calm, so wild
I don’t know how you do it
Guess you got it all figured out

I just want to let you know that I love you and I want to love you until I play weird games at a home and kick the bucket.

If God is willing

Even though this is not physical, I am trying my hardest to choose the best English word in the dictionary…but that was a few hours ago. I decided to be me without hiding behind expensive words.

I love you wildcat!

PS: I am definitely saying yes

Being A Phenomenal Woman!

I suck
I am such a failure
I am a disappointment
I am not worthy
I don’t know how to do it
I just want to shut down
I can’t do this anymore

I am jealous of the way my mind
Praises the woman
With red bottom heels
Signature lipstick
Versace drip
That perfect woman

Rise above it all
Be yourself because everybody else is taken
You are worth it
Own it
The voices of motivational speakers never die

Looking into that mirror
I tell my imagination
Let me love you the way I know how
Allow me to walk you through obstacles
And reign
But I’m too stubborn sometimes

What’s wrong with you?
I am a full house of imperfections
I am different
Opinions make or break me
I break down when the going gets tough
I celebrate the sweet victories
I rise above it all, sometimes
I walk like a model on a tarred road

I am what they call a phenomenal woman
Beautiful yet complicated
Steamy yet sophisticated

The woman dipped in gold
A different type of gold
Crunchy and dramatic
That woman!

CocaCola 5


Lord knows I want more of him than just a holy kiss. Who would have thought that one day I will get a holy kiss from a white guy and actually love it? For a moment I feel like I have a chance to live up to my mother’s standards. I have fallen for this guy for no apparent reason, its just a holy kiss and I’m head over heels. Well Robin Sharma we can call this the beginning of something bitter sweet.
“I am guessing that is a yes”, Edward stares at Amandla.
“I didn’t think I would be saying yes because I received a holy kiss but it’s a yes”, Amandla smiles.
“I wouldn’t go all crazy in public, I would rather be the innocent human being. Wouldn’t you want the same thing CocaCola?”, Edward looks at Amandla with a naughty face.
Amandla laughs
Well at least he thought about it and I’m not the only greedy person. Is it too early to get to know him or at least strike up a conversation about his childhood? It might be.
“So, you don’t like public display of affection?”, Amandla raises her eyebrow
“Private life is a good thing sometimes.”
“Why do you have to hide something that gives you butterflies or makes you feel happy?”, Amandla responds with a worried face
“Sometimes it comes at the wrong time and the only way to control it and still feel like heaven is to be selfish with it”, Edward winks.
“Love in a cookie jar, I guess.”
Amandla’s phone rings


Its time to spill the beans in riddles with the extravagant Tinaye.
“Hey baby girl.”
“Are we still best friends?”, Tinaye responds with an attitude.
“Why would you say that?”, Amandla distances herself from Edward.
“You have been awfully quiet since our book date. Did you win the jackpot with the Librarian?”, Tinaye sucks her teeth
“No, I have been busy reading the Danielle Steel book that was recommended for me”, Amandla bites her nails.
“So, you didn’t even share a kiss or anything. What about the eye talk? The accidental touches?”, Tinaye laughs
“I have to go back to the library Tinaye, I will talk to you later”, Amandla increases her speed towards the library with Edward following behind.
“But we talk all the time whilst you are walking to the library. Are you with him?”
“Yes!”, Amandla responds with a worried face
“Okay let’s do this. Cough once if something happened and twice if nothing happened.”
I don’t know how to describe him getting closer to me and the stupid me breathing heavily reciting the process before it even happens only to realize that it’s a holy kiss. I guess it can be something that happened.
Amandla coughs once as she opens the library door
“Woo girlfriend, your freaky days are back! I can’t wait to see you and for once you have the whole juice over a Danielle Steel book date”, Tinaye laughs.
“You are a friend indeed”, Amandla laughs and hangs up the phone

Edward reaches for the books on the desk to pack them.

“Meet me upfront in three minutes”, Edward tells Amandla as he walked down to the basement.

I wonder what’s down there. The mystery a library carries can never be ignored.

“Sure thing. I can help if you want”, Amandla relieves Edward of the heavy weight.

“Thank you”, Edward smiles

Curiosity killed the cat once if anyone believes in that little fairytale. How bad can it be?

“So, what do you keep here?”, Amandla looks

“Extra storage. My bad let me switch on the light.”

“Oh my goodness”, Amandla covers her mouth.

If a library can have a sacred place this beautiful with silver metal walls, glass tables, the laboratory feel. A little heaven.

“Beautiful right!”

“Yes it is”

“You are beautiful CocaCola”, Edward holds Amandla’s hand.

I don’t know what to call this…My stomach churns and the bubbles won’t stop! What to do? What do they say about girls who take the first move? I want more but to what extent?

“I don’t know if you are just saying or you mean it. I dont know your intentions”, Amandla responds with a suspicious face.

“I don’t play games with what I treasure”, Edward kisses Amandla.

Curiosity killed the cat once and here I am awaiting my death sentence. Losing myself in the arms of the conquerer of my mind, trying to silence my screams of pleasure in my world of books.

Dreamland


By Nicole Kurebwaseka and Rogers Wanambwa

As I kiss goodbye to the troubles of the day
I pray for a great night like a little baby
Flashbacks of how I could have changed the narrative of my life
Regrets, Doubts, Assurance
Happy thoughts of what could have been
The priceless moments
As I try to live my life like its golden
Thoughts stolen by the night
As I say, ‘dream of me’ to my beloved

One sheep…two sheep…three sheep
The popular song to clear your mind
With a foreign melody
The beauty of other people’s lives in my ears

Hello Dreamland
A sanctuary
Filled with fairytales
Super powers
Your everyday state of mind
The night hag
A taste of the Devil’s sweetness

I wish it was as easy to grasp
This alluding companion of mine
And so I twist and turn
Through most of the night
We play hide and seek
One sheep…two sheep…three sheep
That rhyme of old
Why all the ghosts decide to come out
And play now, I’ll never now

But finally,
After what seems like ages
I catch up to him
Now I can blissfully smile
Even though I won’t remember
Remember most of it
I’m ecstatic about this place
Finally I’m in Dreamland.

Read more of Rogers posts here: https://wanamworld.wordpress.com/