Taking Five

I don’t remember the time I told myself I’m taking a break and committed to it. Most of the time I’m just silent, no idea what I am doing, busy talking about writer’s block and how much I miss my muse and all that invalid stuff.

But this year its different and today I want to share what I think taking break is all about.

At the beginning of the year, you have goals/ vision boards you want to commit to, short term and long term. During that journey you have distractions and they come in different ways that is self-doubt, perfectionism and self-sabotage. Let’s say you have made a goal to apply for an international fellowship and you are tired of receiving regrets and another opportunity comes knocking on your door. The tired person in you says I’m taking a break from applications; you haven’t done anything to improve yourself and you want to take a break.

That’s not it.

According to my knowledge when it comes to goals there is time assigned to each goal. The beauty of these type of goals is that you give yourself time to regroup and go to the next goal. When you tell yourself that I want to take a break in this scenario, its not because you failed to do it a lot of times but you have achieved your first goal. First goals cut deep because you want to set the pace or mood for the other goals lined up so that break will give you time to feed your energy and to remove the remaining traces of the last goal to start on a clean slate. If your goals are applicable then this won’t be a problem.

Personal life on the other hand, it’s a bumper ride because when you tell someone, ‘let’s take a break’, the response is not pleasant at all. Its like you are giving someone a recipe for disaster. I have realized that people don’t get the meaning when they say it or receive it. Let’s say in your romantic relationship you have been fighting a lot and its associated with families or your job, its good to take a break. If you don’t take a break, you will end up being mad at everything and you will push the love of your life away. Nobody wants to stick around to only be insulted every minute. Take time to reflect on how that certain issue is affecting you and rise above it.

To make it interesting, they are breaks that keep the fire burning. Romantic relationships tend to be monotonous and we need to take the time to incorporate new vibes. If you are having sex too much, you can take break from it and choose a hobby or something that is twice as good. You can’t say let’s take a break from sex and have moments when you are just sitting there building sexual tension, you will definitely have sex again and again. Its about creativity and investing in a healthy relationship.

Last but not least

Its good to take breaks when your mental health is at risk
Its good to take breaks when your focus is blurry
Its good to take a break when you feel sick.

Don’t Let Yourself Go

Hello my readers
Happy new month and happy womens Month to all the ladies.

Its a beautiful thing to help people emotionally, physically and mentally but not when it reduces your value as a human being.

Looking at romantic relationships whether you are a fiancee, girlfriend or wife, we tend to get comfortable and relax our values and our priorities don’t put us first but our men. Opportunities pass us by because we are too busy trying to look good for our men, trying to be the supportive wife and to be the best mothers. Why can’t we look good for ourselves?

Friendships is a non starter because if you find yourself losing your identity because you are busy keeping the fire burning for your best friend…Its toxic. You need to let go.

In a work environment we find ourselves trying so hard to please managers even though its depreciating our value because we want opportunities to keep flowing. What happened to God’s time?

We need to normalise being loyal to our values, priorities and boundaries because we will end up giving a lot and doing despicable things to keep that standard.

Desiderata

Ladies and gentleman buckle up for this hot coffee conversation as I talk about what men desire in a relationship. I am so excited.

I came across a very interesting contribution from one of my favorite YouTube channels, Black Love (Men’s Round Table) about what men desire. So, the guy said that women are not that interesting anymore because they are the same, the aesthetics are getting old, the make up is the same and they dress the same way. He said that when it comes to what’s underneath, not many women have something of substance because we are materially obligated to phones and the internet (how many likes I have).

The violence in this statement

I had so many mixed feelings, I felt like he was degrading women and I even questioned his choices. But he was right, we love to see those likes popping on our social media and we become addicted to the extent that it puts value on our backs. I don’t blame him for wanting something different because I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t bring something new to the table.

So, I thought of giving our Zimbabwean men and women the platform to share about what men desire. I included women to make it interesting and to let men know what women think they desire and to see if it’s too exaggerated or not.

Women section

“Men desire trust, humor, sexual things like kissing, hugging and a supporting partner. They also desire loyalty and a woman who listens to them when they air out their grievances. (Mitchy)

“Men are a tricky specie I tell you, but woman are trickier. I think most men desire respect, loyalty and a woman who is a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets. I mean they think about sex seven times more than we do so I am sure they do desire that. With how most men from where I come from are raised, respect is such a big part of the package that I feel most desire it over having the trophy wife or girlfriend. Men would have 2 wives, one side chick and one baby mama but still want each of those women to have them as their only partner. Men desire loyalty at all costs even when they are not giving the same back.” (Liz)

“Based on my relationships, my man desires a woman to be a woman, a feminine woman, respectful, submissive and beautiful and everything goes well. Once you become masculine or argumentative or aggressive that’s when we bump heads. A feminine aura works best.” (Lily)

Men section

“Relationships are complicated. As you grow older you make less demands. You just want things like honesty and patience and a person who understands that you can get some shit wrong and its okay. A woman who knows how to negotiate things.” (Pfungwa)

“Well the basics are just take care of yourself; shaving, brushing your teeth. The rest is pretty much clear an attractive person is a smart person. Surprise me, wear a different cologne or buy me a Birthday present that’s out of the ordinary if you can afford it, if not it’s okay Love is not about material things. Be understanding, Loyal, Be real and faithful, this is basically the tenets a lot of guys would look for a woman. Fake accents is just a No. A lot of the times people think men solely  desire the physical and conjugal benefits in a relationship but we need a lil more than just that. Men might not admit this but it is the truth and their even arrogance cannot alter the truth. Just as life is about growth and learning, we need someone who implores us to growth individually and sometimes even together in that relationship. Someone who apart from the facetious conversations and thoughts that we have, also has ideas and ambitions that are groundbreaking. As men we will look at our partners in delight if they realise that it is not only their beauty, make-up or physique that we are after but their souls and minds in the hope of having an intellectual connection and a soulmate. If that relationship is going to turn into a marriage trust me, the last thing you need is a Dullard. We also desire someone who realises that there is more to life than what we see, but there is God, who keeps the universe at a balance. Someone is spiritually aware and in touch with the bible, it’s not about going to church it’s about looking for God individually. Nothing amazes a men more than a hard working and independent woman who still values her Man’s input.” (Killa)

“To love and be loved, Honesty, Appreciation, Taking a minute to care about my interests, Accomodate me in my down moments and support/ critic me in my endeavors. I also desire a woman who Respect herself and the relationship which turns to you respecting me. Fun, have lots of fun be it boyfriend and girlfriend quiz, board games, adventure trips etc. I love new things, bring something new here and there be it your style, the conversations, etc. Communication skills at max level.” (Kuku)

I seek someone who finds interest in the stuff I like, or at least understands the stuff I like. Someone who supports me and encourages me even when they aren’t sure of what I’m doing lol. Respect is also important, which also results in someone being honest and real. Once someone respects you they wouldn’t do stuff to hurt or disrespect you. I seek someone who complements me, and I do the same. Kungokavhirana so. I also look for bestfriendshipness(some word I made up lol). I need someone I can goof around, gossip, and chase butterflies with. I also want someone who is seductive(TO ME), someone I can always think about, kut hmmm if I catch her… She needs to be sexy all the damn time! Someone who also challenges me intellectually, and in other areas of life, not dumb dumb or a “yeswoman”. Space is also key. Someone who gives you space to breath and miss her is gold. A romantic woman too, not someone who buys 3 pack underwear, all the damn time. Study me and get me something I never expected.” (Mumu)

“I think maturity is very very important. A woman who’s mature in all aspects is a + for me..The value addition is irreplaceable. Intellectual stimulation – iron sharpens iron. As a King I need a Queen to build an Empire with. If my partner is an avid reader for instance or contributes towards my personal & professional development by giving me sound advice from a business point of view or whatever hustle I’m pushing..Tjoo that’s one in million..ima keep her. Fun & Adventurous #GoodVibes – Zim can be so depressing sometimes. Be that as it may, there’s beauty in the struggle if your person is fun and adventurous…” (Muchacho)

All I can say is my job is done. Leaving the floor to you. And yes you can sleepover all weekend.

Disclaimer: The names in this article are not the real names of the people who contributed

Being A Multi-faceted Woman

When they tell you not to be eye candy but to be soul food. Except you are a multi-faceted being. So, you are eye candy, soul food and a spiritual warrior princess.

I am not here to talk about being a multi task woman because you clean the house, feed the babies, cook food and work at the same time but I am here for a more defined you, the untouchable you.

A multi-faceted woman is defined as someone with many features or perspectives to consider. A person who has many different talents in all kinds of fields. These different aspects are either shaped by life experiences or a skill you learnt. It makes you unique.
From my research, they are two key characteristics of a multi-faceted woman:

1. Willingness to learn

Have you ever been in a place where you can’t give context about a certain topic that has been trending without your knowledge? You are just nodding or agreeing louder than anyone else to let everyone know that you are abreast with everything but you don’t know anything. I am guilty of those moments. A multi- faceted woman takes time to learn about different cultures in order to have good conversations or smart conversations that may lead to business opportunities (investments).

2. Self-discipline

Its all about the ability to control your feelings and overcome your weaknesses. As a multi-faceted woman, you should show up for yourself. Its about having self-patience because growth is a journey. You should be able to wait for the right time to establish great friendships, wait for the right time to make investments in what builds and to wait for the right time to have romantic relationships. It helps you to make the right decisions and be proud of the end result.

Tapping into the habits of being a multi-faceted woman, you need to see yourself as the price. We need to value ourselves more than we value other people for a change. It doesn’t mean you have to call yourself superior or brag but its about creating a community with like minded people, respecting your value as a woman through creating boundaries. Its about self-love and knowing that we deserve finer things in life.

You need to create and live a life that you love. You can’t spend time living in the body of someone else because your life is unbearable. You need to affirm and manifest the life that you want and believe that you will get it, not by sitting down but by working hard and showing up to what builds you.

As women I know we have the habit of wanting to do everything at the same time but we need to stop being Wonder woman. I have moments when I say yes but I end up being angry at myself for failing to put my all in it because I said yes without thinking if I am able to deliver quality results. The use of our energy and time can be efficient if we have a clear focus and prioritization. The moment we prioritise taking note of what we can do and what we cannot do we have more time to rest and to work on ourselves (exercise, glow up).

Seems like a lot but its something interesting we can take on.

Love Redefined

Grab your coffee or green juice and lets indulge in this short conversation.

Of late I have been hearing a lot of things about marriage, how it is traumatic, how beautiful it can be and how much it has lost its value and meaning. Mothers and fathers are asking their daughters and sons when they will get married. Men are abusing women; women abusing men. There is so much negativity around love, in the society and in the novels as well.

But today as we sip our bitter sweet coffee I want us to ponder on the following affirmations.

I let go of my past beliefs that no longer serve me.
I deserve love.
I am worthy of love
I can feel love whenever I choose to
Love is always flowing to me
My love is infinite
I am surrounded by love

Its time for us to write about the love that we deserve. Its time for us to have a happy ending. Love cannot be foreign forever. Even if your love doesn’t follow any custom or tradition( marriage), boast in it because its what makes you happy. You can’t please everyone.

Love loves you

Three Is Not A Crowd

Hello my readers, its a new week and I hope you are geared up for it.

Lets talk about polygamy and how it was perceived back in the day and how it is now.

Polygamy is defined as the practice or custom of having more than one wife or husband at the same time.

Prior to the arrival of colonists and Christianity in Africa, polygyny existed as an integral part of family law, which was based mostly on cultural beliefs. Traditionally, polygyny performed valuable social and cultural functions. These included the following, among others: it was a remedy to escape divorce due to infertility, because in African communities a marriage without procreation is incomplete; it was a solution to menopause as there was a cultural belief that some women may no longer engage in sexual activities but men will continue to do so. It was a legal response to address the problem of unmarried women snatching away other women’s husbands due to the imbalance in the ratio of women and men; it was a viable solution during pregnancy and nursing because some African cultures forbid sexual relations between a husband and wife during pregnancy. It was a remedy to negative social associations because being single is associated with evil, and a single woman might even be accused of witchcraft; it was a way of taking care of a widow, as both a widow and her children would be taken. (L. Mwambene : What is the Future of Polygamy in Africa)

In the modern world, polygamy is viewed as being involved with a married man. It is a luxury of primitive people. I have realised that in Africa they are two types of polygamy. There are men who continue to fantasize having several beautiful women, possibly from different parts of the world, for different roles in their lives including banter, sex, housework, cooking, raising children, partying, etc. These men have relationships with different women unknown to their wives. And then there are men who practice polygamy with the knowledge of their wives and I have seen successful ones with even distribution of cars, children and a full house each. Living happily ever after with a few flaws of course.

This practice has long been perceived to be in conflict with the ideals of gender equality,inherently subordinates women, violates the dignity of women, increases women’s risk of contracting HIV/AIDS. It is also emotionally damaging and economically oppressive. In addition, polygyny is perceived to be rooted in violations of gender and women’s rights.

My two cents

I would like to believe that polygamy is an attempt to get more out of life than there is in it. Its adventurous and it’s beautiful, in the open of course. But I can’t blur the lines of women being exposed to diseases such as HIV/AIDS because in selecting the one that tickles your fancy, what’s on the surface can be everything.

Its a battleground.

Letters To The Billionaire Me: The Speech

Gone are the days where we listen to billionaire speeches to motivate ourselves. The podium is more than ready for us to give our own billionaire motivational speech.

Deep breaths

Being a billionaire is not all about money and being the number one richest woman or man. Its about what you feel inside and outside and how it sets your heart on fire. Its about waking up in the morning and feeling good about yourself and the cause you stand firmly for. Its about understanding the struggles that keep building us to be stronger and become better people.

You cannot be everyone’s hero or the best winner because everybody has a type but its not a gateway to call someone a loser. Everybody is a winner whether its in the books or not.

Believe in yourself and stick to your roots and keep watering them because they keep you whole.

As a billionaire you have two choices to either let circumstances rule you or take charge and rule your life from within.

Stay true to yourself, you gain nothing from being the best at implementing opinion.

Even though its hard, practice what you preach by all means.

God bless you all.

Letters To The Billionaire Me: Walk The Talk

Dear Billionaire Me

It’s beautiful to hear someone tell their success story and giving tips. You can go all day imagining it for yourself, rehearsing in the mirror and telling yourself all these different affirmations and sit back down on that sofa to indulge yourself in that popular series you like so much.

We live in a world where people improve other people’s works. Let’s invent something from our hearts. It doesn’t have to be a complicated machine to show the world that we have the brains, it can stem from a simple need. Identifying a need helps us to know more about what we are going to deliver, key being as uniquely as possible. We don’t have to invent just one thing; the mind is not that limited.

Investing into it is everything. A little money is needed but your mind, body and soul are the best investment. Opportunities will keep finding us whether in the deep blue sea or in the shallow. We need to be careful of investing in flashy things even if it makes us feel good.

We cannot know it all, somebody is always there to teach us something. The ability to learn as I said before allows us to look at old things in a new way, to see the potential for change and profit where others see what has already been done.

Here is to us never quitting and burning the midnight oil if need be.

Letters To The Billionaire Me: Embracing The Habits

Dear Billionaire Me

A little birdie once told me that success is not final and failure is not something that should take you to your grave but the courage to continue is everything. As we take on this journey of being a billionaire, there are habits we need to take to heart, now and during our forever reign.

The last time I tried to convince myself that success is something simple, I swallowed the wrong pill by starting from the top going all the way down to the bottom.

Time is precious to us and we need to invest into something that builds and leads us to our next big move. As much as we want to indulge in social media, we can’t sell ourselves short. We need to invest time in journaling our everyday goals, devoting ourselves to God and good rest. Our time should prioritize personal wealth, that is family because they make us whole. It’s something that will never leave our side.

Mornings are hard but it’s the only time we can be selfish. Don’t get me wrong its not a bad trait but a good self-care habit. Waking up 5 am gives us time to take deep breaths and write our goals of the day. It allows us to have a successful day that is foreign to delays and regrets. On the brighter side the glow from dress code to your skin will be on point

Its easy to say you will do something than it is to execute. We can’t be known as people who give people assurance and beat ourselves and drown in silence. Our reputation will be on the line. Before agreeing to anything we need to ask ourselves if we are able to deliver with the same passion we put in our yes. Winning will be our first name.

Adaptation is a big pill given the higher expectations that come with it but growth starts from breaking the barriers to our success and soldiering on.

The brain can be dormant if it is not fed. Learning is not all mathematical but gaining wisdom from others and with that our growth is a never-ending journey.

We live in a world where value of hard work is a roller coaster. We should stand firm.

Letters To The Billionaire Me: Introduction

Hello my readers. Its a brand-new week, new feels. I hope we all started our Monday on a good note.

Dear Billionaire Me

Its a little funny to write a letter to the billion dollar me but I took my chances and my big dreams really want to see us through. The good thing is that I am not nervous so this will really pan out. I have been manifesting a lot of things into my life and you happen to be the biggest achievement on the list. I know most billionaires say start with what you have and you will build from there. You will be happy to know that I am doing that already. I am consistent when it comes to podcasts, YouTube videos and tweets about how to be successful. Its not like I want to copy and paste but sometimes you need to refer to some manual.

In case you are wondering I haven’t started the healthy diet yet. I heard that if you want to be a good billionaire, you have to be big on health but I can’t help but think that when you come knocking on my door, I won’t be able to resist taking lil bites of the junk food world as many times as I can. Plus, Lays chips are quite expensive in Zimbabwe, so i will probably stock many of those for control. But not all hope is lost, I will definitely invest in vegetables as much as I can soon enough. The good thing is I exercise.

On the inspiration roll, I wake up every morning with the zeal to inspire through my writing or just by sharing something that makes someone’s day better (devotion + through the work I do as woman advocate).

As you can see, I am a work in progress and determined. I also have my bad days so don’t run away, its a temporary thing. Presidents also have low moments but I am sure we can move mountains.

Here is to a journey worthwhile

My Muse

I believe I was born for greatness
As I stand to fight for my dreams and inspire
But I wasn’t ready for your beautiful storm
A storm that came like how I love my coffee
Black and strong

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth
For your love is more delightful than wine
Pleasing is the fragrance
Of your perfumes.
Take me away with you
Oh! the Songs of Solomon never felt so right

Here we are
Body, mind and soul
In this roller coaster ride called life

A Place I Call Home

The sight of golden bubbles in the air, the smell of chicken poo, the smoke and a man I call my role model even in his grave shouting to evoke action is the place I called home. I did not sleep on an empty stomach or begged a friend to love me. I had the comfort of my sisters and brothers even though meat was a sensitive issue since we ate in the same plate. The beautiful view of rocky surfaces as we draw water from the buckets bathing in the sun’s beautiful presence and speaking of tales, we were told by our grandmothers…

I have grown to see myself tear up because of a man who accidentally enjoyed his pleasure to the extent of giving me a gift, a gift to be a mother. I wished my mother was there to tell me to soldier on as I prepare meals for in laws with a heavy heart with continuous voices of my incapability. Where would I run to? I had to call it home to give my daughter a home she will be proud of.

My grand breakthrough found me loving a man who loved himself more than anyone else. He showed me that life should be lived and I did but I ended up giving more. I became a mother of three and this time I was able to give them a roof and a good education. They had a place to call home.

But I cried.

I cried whenever my daughters came back with bad results, I wondered where my good brains lacked in their lives. I cried when my own daughter told me how much I hate her because I scolded her every time. I cried when my husband came back home drunk with no sense of responsibility to tell me that I am a bad mother, your kids don’t respect me.

A place I call home has become a prison for me as I sought comfort in the fields of my unfinished home as I reminisce on the good old rural life.