By Nicole Kurebwaseka and Rogers Wanambwa

As I kiss goodbye to the troubles of the day
I pray for a great night like a little baby
Flashbacks of how I could have changed the narrative of my life
Regrets, Doubts, Assurance
Happy thoughts of what could have been
The priceless moments
As I try to live my life like its golden
Thoughts stolen by the night
As I say, ‘dream of me’ to my beloved

One sheep…two sheep…three sheep
The popular song to clear your mind
With a foreign melody
The beauty of other people’s lives in my ears

Hello Dreamland
A sanctuary
Filled with fairytales
Super powers
Your everyday state of mind
The night hag
A taste of the Devil’s sweetness

I wish it was as easy to grasp
This alluding companion of mine
And so I twist and turn
Through most of the night
We play hide and seek
One sheep…two sheep…three sheep
That rhyme of old
Why all the ghosts decide to come out
And play now, I’ll never now

But finally,
After what seems like ages
I catch up to him
Now I can blissfully smile
Even though I won’t remember
Remember most of it
I’m ecstatic about this place
Finally I’m in Dreamland.

Read more of Rogers posts here: https://wanamworld.wordpress.com/

Black Rose

By Nicole Kurebwaseka and Rogers Wanambwa

A diamond in the rough
Polished with different colors
The stars know of my beauty as I lay in between thorns
Unknown to the world that believes that happiness suits me so perfectly
Unknown to my mother as she smiles to her baby tainted by the society, I dared to live in without her knowledge
I am the best thing one has never heard,
Forbidden fruits have found a place to call home in my heart
The great lovers have passed me by with their perfect matches as I wait for the half-baked lover of my life with a racing heart
Isn’t it lovely?
My little joys are within the people I lie to
So that for a moment I forget that I’m torn
That I have no place to hide where I can start picking up the broken pieces
Away from the thorns that built me

How I wish to be known
But my history restricts me
How did I fall for you?
I am yearning to be loved
To turn back time
Send you away
But I keep following you into the dark
Among thorns
My beauty known to stars as I cry out every night
to be the light my mother saw in me

Perhaps I have not been generous with my praise for your beauty,
And maybe the long distance between us has your heart filled of thoughts (are those thorns?)
Now even the happiness of others pains you,
Because you know what you are missing out on.
My promises seem frivolous each passing day in your eyes with me nowhere to be seen.
It scares you that maybe you will wither away before I show up,
And the words of the ones around you do not make things any easier for us.
Like a hailstorm beating up your precious petals,
They knock down all your defenses, leaving you bare and desolate.

But my promises to you still stand,
This distance has never changed that.
I’m still yours and although it seems as though dark clouds are looming on our delicate relationship,
It is only but a light rain.
Our summer has just begun,
I’m on my way to you.
This is our happily ever after,
Ours is not one of those stories that end in tears.
It is a rare one,
One that when found is treasured.
Just like you,
My black rose.

Read more of Rogers Wanambwa on this link


CocaCola 4

The chatter of conductors waiting for the next load, smoking cigarettes close to the little fire of the maize cob chef and the shoe maker who greets with such soul and the greatest advisor. Women selling liquor in front of their flat with colorful shorts and parked cars with loud music and ladies screaming with laughter.
The taste of home sweet home drawing closer
Would it be so wrong for a bookie to feel like she is in cloud nine yet its only because of a great conversation. Well dear Robin Sharma welcome to the last paragraph of my feelings. Cloud nine knocked on my door once again and my little heart is troubled about the unknown. Love feels twisted with a pinch of undecided love and the clear road of living my mother’s wildest dreams. I have so many questions but all I can say is that I love the idea of him, but the barriers cannot be ignored, organization does not mean marry a white person. I might be too radical for him or just the girl who has the black berry on trial.
The barber calls out
“Hie”, Amandla responds with an unpleasant look.
“Fancy seeing you walking around at this time. Come here!”, the barber lifts up Amandla unexpectedly.
Amandla throws punches urging him to put her down.
“What is wrong with you?”, Amandla responds fixing her outfit.
“I thought you would love it. I missed you”, the barber answered Amandla tapping her on the shoulder.
Who does he think he is? Saying something like that as if we had sex with each other.
“Don’t touch me”, Amandla casts away the barber’s hand and starts walking.
The barbers break the silence, passing comments.
“Ha usadaro mwana sha.”
“Unoda zvinhu mupfanha iwewe.”
“I’m your big daddy!”, the barber shouts at Amandla.
Amandla clicks her tongue, infuriated.
How dare he?
How can he make me look like a loose woman?
Such a disgrace

Amandla’s phone rings.
Unknown number…who could be. Amandla picks up the call
“May I escort you?”
“Excuse me, I don’t understand”, Amandla answers the caller with a puzzled face.
“Since you didn’t give me a chance to escort you from the library, I thought I should do the honors and be a gentleman that escorts to the gate that is fast approaching.”
“Yes!”, Edward screams to get Amandla’s attention physically.
Oh my God, third time is definitely the charm. Breathe bookie breathe.
Edward walks towards her
Dear Sharma, feelings don’t have a last paragraph.
“Hey CocaCola.”
“Excuse my shocked face, I’m trying to figure out how you got my number and ho you know where I live.”
“Its simple when you have a bookie’s records in the place where most words belong”, Edward smiles.
“Perks of a being a bookie huh.”
“I want to make a deal with you. Let’s go on a book date but this time we are reading.”
“I don’t know about that. We have different tastes when it comes to novels.”
“I think Robin Sharma is good and given a chance to read him again I would even though its out of my comfort zone. Sometimes we have to try new things.”
“A little convincing. I will think about it”, Amandla grins
Edward holds Amandla’s hand.
“It’s a journey worth exploring, CocaCola.”
My mind my mind says no but my body say yes. The power of a man holding your hand. How were we created?
“Well it doesn’t sound like a bad idea, so it’s a yes”, Amandla grins.
A yes of a troubled heart to a summer with a milky cloud.


Love can be pure even in death, who would have thought she would follow her husband in a world that cannot be described honestly because no one has lived to share the story. Its only known to the ones who leave earth for us with our clocks still running. Can we live to see such love reign? I have no idea. Let’s leave it to time.
“I have mixed feelings but at the same time that such love is existent at least in books”, Amandla rolls her eyes.
Edward goes down on one knee.
“Will you be keen to read another Danielle Steel book with me?”
Amandla laughs
“Where is the ring?”
“Unfortunately, it hasn’t arrived”, Edward stands up.
“Until then the response is pending”, Amandla responds with a playful face.
Edward draws closer to Amandla.
Amandla breathes heavily
This can’t be happenning. Take deep breaths bookie, one… slow and uncertain,

Two…Soft and smooth

Three…Plump and delicious

Four…A growing rhythm.

My memory still saves me right!

CocaCola 3

“A part of me wants to change for this guy and see how it goes but I’m afraid to be heartbroken. It’s a tricky situation”, Tinaye holds Amandla’s hand.
What is happening to you? I’m afraid of who you are becoming”, Amandla responds with a worried face.
“Friend I cannot be a freak forever, we are not getting any younger.”
“Do you want to get married to this guy?”
“No, just because I said I want to change doesn’t mean marriage. I still love my single life.”
“Why do you want to change yourself for this guy?”
“You love it when I’m freaky, HUH.”
“I do”, Amandla laughs.

Looking for mints in Amandla’s bag, Tinaye came across a Danielle Steel book.
“When did you start reading Danielle Steel?”, Tinaye stares at Amandla with a worried face.
“Oh, the librarian suggested it for me”, Amandla responds with a suspicious look.
“What is really happening between you and Edward?”
The question I hoped to skip before I’m sure about whatever this dude is doing to my mind.
“Nothing. Getting used to the new poetic entrance as you know, I can be a little extra”, Amandla responds incoherently.
“May you please excuse me”, Tinaye walks towards the entrance and grabs Edward by the hand leading him to their gossip corner.
“Mr. Edward do you like my friend?”, Tinaye stares at Edward with a suspicious look.
Amandla interjects before Edward could respond.
“I don’t think its appropriate to ask something like that to someone I just met”, Amandla responds nervously.
“Great answer friend, I will give you space to get to know each other”, Tinaye grabs her bag and walks out of the library leaving Amandla to face her supposed fears.
Dear Robin Sharma, I have sunk in a hole that I have never thought would be caused by my own friend. The journey to my deathbed has just began.

“Is this seat taken?”, Edward smiles coquettishly as he pulls the chair to sit down.
“Only by you Mr. Librarian”, Amandla smiles.
Edward licks his lips.
“Since you were rude to me earlier and you haven’t apologized, I want to make a proposal”, Edward smiles.
“Quick to put your demands on the table I see”, Amandla rests her arms on the table.
“I’m not controlling, if that’s what you are thinking.”
“What is this proposal about?”, Amandla responds with a suspicious look.
“I will forgive you if you go out for lunch with me.”
Amandla laughs
“I will rather apologize”, Amandla grins
“How about I finish where you left off with Tinaye”, Edward grabs his notebook.
“And where is that?”, Amandla folds her hands.
“The part when Gabrielle Union becomes part of the conversation, talking about colorism as the most outstanding topic for me personally. What are your thoughts about dating white men?”,
The rarest moment to ever come alive, talking about colorism with a white man. Well I did say welcome to my deathbed, it’s becoming a little hot.
“Well I’m proud of who I am as a black person and my wish is to see people being proud of their skin color. Its no secret that people go beyond to have a skin color that is acceptable to people of your kind”, Amandla takes a deep breath.
“You seem passionate about this.”
“I don’t skip one day without hearing the praises of white people and how much they invest in long term stability”, Amandla gives Edward a sassy attitude.
“Why do black people praise the whites?”, Edward grins
“Sometimes we are too African to see what glitters.”
“I am intrigued”, Edward nods his head.
“You are the mystery”, Amandla rolls her eyes.
“Oh really”, Edward responds with a puzzled look.

“As much as this hang out is becoming a great conversation, I have to go”, Amandla rising from her chair holding her bag.
Edward holds her hand
“May I escort you CocaCola.”
Talking about being addicted to a bookie, I might have become his drug.
“Maybe next time”, Amandla winks and walks away.

Summer with a milky cloud, I couldn’t ask for another type of summer.

CocaCola 2

As the artistic sun rises and kisseth me with a yellow glow and a subtle beauty of the cityscapes, the sunshine city foreign to the citizens with hustlers hooting their car horns and the jovial footsteps of kids running down the stairs going to school, the chatter of maids dragging their buckets to the laundry and a puffy eyed bookie with a pen and paper

The invention of a world class day begins.

Robin Sharma will be proud of me because I woke up a little earlier than I used to and ready to draft my plan for the day with a cup of coffee in my hand, though exercising is not part of today’s execution. How can it be so hard to wake up at 5am? Journaling as the first part of planning my world class day, I don’t know what to feel really, I got a new nickname from a white guy which can mean two things, but my mind is thinking about racism all the way, could it be the ‘sweet melanin coca cola’ AKA Jika song. I have to read a Danielle Steele book, a new reading lane. I am positive that mother would be so happy to know that I had a conversation with a white guy, her talk about white men being organized and investing in long term stability, never gets old until I become as organized. It’s a world that cannot be…

“How many times do I have to tell you to soak dish towels?”, Amandla’s mother shouts from the kitchen.”

It’s a world that cannot be understood fully

“Good morning mama, how are you feeling this morning? You can at least smile for me”, Amandla responds with a playful face.

“Haiwa, munoda kuramba muchidzokoredzerwa chinhu chimwe chete”, with an unexpected grin.

“I’m going to give myself four days to make it a habit like you always say and sad news, Mrs. Hastings is not feeling well, there is a new librarian”

Amandla’s mother washes soap off her hands after washing the dish towels.

“Amandla don’t make promises you can’t keep, I raised you for 23 years and I’m still taking care of you and telling you what to do, you need to crave change for you to grow to become a strong woman. Get ready to prepare breakfast whilst your sisters prepare to feed the babies.”

Dear Robin Sharma we have to get a bigger book to share how I feel every morning when I wake up before I share my agenda for the day.

“Okay mama.”

My agenda is set to start in three hours, breakfast being the most important meal of the day, I thank God it’s the easiest to prepare and not time consuming. My favorite book date of all time with my extravagant friend, Tinaye in the place I call home for the words I say to the majority. I wonder if Edward is going to call me CocaCola or Amandla. The journey of two sides of a bookie.

The worst that could happen is telling my mother I’m going out without doing the dishes because it’s not my duty.

“Amandla the soup does not need more stirring, your father is starving, must I do everything for you, time is moving”, she stares at me with a worried face

“I’m sorry mama, the food will be ready in five minutes.”

Phone rings

Tinaye couldn’t choose a better time to call me.

“Baby girl wassup.”

Yebo baby girl, are you ready because I’m on my way to town”, Tinaye replies with buyers and sellers chatter in the background.

I’m about to bath baby girl, I will be ready in a few minutes.”

“No baby girl, why are you always late? Even for a book date.”

“Today is different”, breathing heavily

“No no baby girl”, with a frustrated voice and hangs up the phone.

Change is expensive

“Family, breakfast is ready, I’m going to take a bath, I have a book date.”

I wonder what it would be like to be in that library with a different poetic narration. At least I have mastered the art of bathing quickly. What to wear is a battlefield, at least it’s summer, a dress is always a better option.

“Dad I’m going for my book date now. Have great afternoon.”

“Are you getting any money where you are going?”

“Dad it’s a book date, I’m not working”, Amandla walks out and slams the door behind her.

Walking is underrated when its cold but in this heat its torturous, at least I’m 5 minutes away. I can’t believe I don’t have an opening or my grand entry into the library.

My mind will get used some day or never.

“Hey CocaCola.”

Seems like it will be more of conversing than a poetic narration known to my mind only.

“I can’t get over the fact that being called, ‘CocaCola’, might be a racist card coming from you”, rolling her eyes to Edward.

“Trust me it’s better than being called Mrs Hastings with a person staring down. Have you started reading the novel?”, walking towards the entrance of the library.

“Not yet but I’m sure today is the lucky day since I’m feeling more of myself”, she grins

“Why do I get the feeling that you are avoiding to read it because its my suggestion?”, Edward responds with a suspicious look.

As true as that is, today is not the day to admit.

“Is this an interrogation?”, Amandla folds her hands

“Just a question”, Edward pushes the library door.

“Baby girl!”

And time flew by to the extent of me forgetting to call my friend that I’m here.

“I was about to call but here you are.”

“Liar and who is this milk chocolate”, sucking her lollipop.

“He is the librarian.”

“Nice to meet you librarian”, Tinaye responds with an attitude.

“It’s Edward.”

“Okay, let’s go inside friend, I have lots to tell you plus with a little talk about the juicy novel, ‘We are going to need more wine’, buckle up for a great book date”, Tinaye enters the library as she pulls Amandla inside with her.

I don’t know if I was overly rude or just protecting my heart from something that is not even there. I am giving this guy my peace of mind and I’m not complaining.

Summer with a milky cloud.

“Friend!”, Tinaye snaps her fingers

“Shh you are making too much noise friend”, Amandla responds with a worried face.

“Forgive me but you seem distracted, I dont know by who”, Tinaye rolls her eyes.

“I am here with you friend, you went on a date with guy who thinks girls who drink are the worst and to my understanding that is unacceptable in your world”, Amandla smiles at her.

“I feel like venting today friend, the book review can wait, this dust library is our gossip room today.”

“Yes boo!”

Lord knows I feel like apologising for my rudeness to a librarian who has conquered my mind.

CocaCola 1

Opening the wooden doors with giant oversized handles, grassy notes with a tang of acids and a hint of vanilla over an underlying mustiness, the dirty ancient carpet that splashes tiny dust clouds into shimmery orange sunbeams with every step, yellowed pages with pencil markings of what caught the eye.

I remember Sidney Sheldon’s quote of my bookie life

“Libraries store the energy that fuels the imagination. They open up windows to the world and inspire us to explore and achieve and contribute to improving our quality of life.”

As I start to live my world class day with my popular mini purse war as I look for my library card and an excuse for the late returns with my head down looking for the perfect face to match my plea, I wonder what would Sidney Sheldon’s say.

Chances are he would say the dumbest thing to get to his favourite corner and get lost in a world he would rather sleep in for days.

Deep breaths

“Mrs Hastings I’m sorry I got carried away reading the great life writer Robin Sharma, and I strongly request you to read it, a little break from the African war we are still fighting even now.”

The award winning smile as my saviour kicks in but my heart pounds to a stranger in my world of a plethora of words tangled with embarrassment of calling one with a name that doesn’t belong to him and a bite of the lip followed by a confirmation of chocolate girls need a little vanilla too.

The mind can be a little crazy.

“Oh my goodness, stupid me!”

My eyes oscillating around an orbit with him as the star in the middle.

“I don’t mean to be rude but where is Mrs Hastings?”

“Good morning to you too, Mrs Hastings has not been feeling well for a week now. My name is Edward and I will be filling in for Mrs Hastings for some time.”

Why is he being so humble?

What about the fine? O Lord she couldn’t choose a better time to get sick!

“Ooops my manners are playing tricks on me today. My name is Amandla, I’m sorry for the late return of this amazing book. How much will it cost me?

There it goes the smile that makes most girls melt and I don’t know what to feel as he gives me either a death penalty or paradise.

“Don’t worry I bet Mrs Hastings would smile back at you and allow you to pick a Danielle Steel perhaps or an African book.”

The ratchet laugh makes the conversation, so soulful, wondering how my next days are going to be like, getting used to a man as much as I did with Mrs Hastings.

Why am I giving this man my peace of mind?

My dreams come true in this place as I read books that make me realise that I’m somehow important. My favourite librarian brought a modern look to my poetic entrance, I wonder what my narration entails on a Tuesday morning. Even the dust has settled, the books…


Startled at the presence of Edward holding a Danielle Steele book, ‘Until the End Of Time’…can this Monday be any creepier.

“I’m sorry, I thought this book will be something to make your week interesting, you can never go wrong with Danielle Steele”, He grins

Deep breaths

“I feel like I can’t deny this book”, Amandla responds with a suspicious look and an unexpected grin

“Books can surprise you CocaCola”, Edward smiles as he handed her the book and walks away

To be continued…

What Makes You Happy?

Have you ever felt like you are in court and everybody is staring at you, waiting for you to respond to a question that might make you feel guilty or innocent?
Stare at a blank page with nothing to write

Deep breaths

Flashbacks of what seemed to be a happy place for a period of time
The eyes of a hopeful person popping out,hoping to make the list
A moment you ask yourself if you have ever being happy all your life or you have been staging

I have so many times

There is just something about that question that makes me want to be creative and say stupid stuff like food makes me happy, dance makes me happy forgetting family, friends, writing and those one time crazy strangers.

You just don’t say everything

But here is the beginning of a journey that seemed foreign to me in the world of first impressions, the beginning of writing down the words that have failed me for quite some time:

What makes you happy?

Happiness is a four letter word

It lies within temporary people, the strangers we see going crazy at a party or in the streets and priceless moments around people who raised you to be different. The inner happiness in me envisions the very best, understands that there is no such thing as perfection, teach myself how to listen to my heart and realising that I’m indefinable. It’s a never ending journey that has started with a pen as the mighty sword and a happy place.

PS: That felt really good


The beauty of being a woman is like no other
It’s like art and the good thing is everybody can interpret it. Would it be selfish of me to be in a world filled with women, to crave for a world with no limitations. To crave for a world where beauty is not discriminated, it’s just different.

the Amazons were a race of warrior women who refused to live with men. In order to continue their survival, once a year the Amazons would visit the neighbouring tribe, the Gargareans, to have sex with the male inhabitants. Once the Amazons had got what they wanted, they would discard their lover like a soggy tissue, and return to their homeland – hopefully, pregnant. Nine months later, the Amazons would keep all the girl babies and either return the boys to their fathers or just leave them to die on a hillside

A matriarchal society is one where women are not disadvantaged by virtue of being women, where power is shared between the genders, and where mothers are placed at the centre of the culture.

All the screams for gender equality will be silenced and motherhood is not a thin line between a sacrifice and a privilege. We say goodbye to gender based violence, child marriages and the glass ceilings.

We will rule the land

The conspiracy of the highest order to our African culture

As much as it is all rosy

What happens to gossip?

What will we laugh about?

Not that it’s a good thing, but it’s something that makes us whole, we are addicted to talking about others and pulling each other down. The success of another woman makes us itch, we spend so much time looking beautiful to gain what is not ours.

Worshipping a female starts to feel like a world filled with judgement

Everyday you wake up, you think about meeting that girl who looks into the mirror and tells herself how beautiful she is, how successful she is and paints the rest of the women as second citizens, options, unbecoming, maidens who can never make history…

A beautiful kingdom it will be

Unity known to broken pieces of glass

A little happiness away from the infamous patriarchy

It’s a two way street

Bloom Where You Are Planted

Is it just me?

Do you ever feel like you lost yourself in a room filled with a bunch of people?

You are only left with a little part of your personality to keep you sane or to break the ice to make conversations. If you have been around me for at least a month you will realize that my smile gets me through a lot of things. There are moments when I rehearse what I’m going to say next in my mind and unfortunately what I say is totally different, it’s like a battle with the English world. The most shocking thing is I feel the need to be perfect to the extent of stirring my tea smiling to nothing in particular.

The power of a room filled with strangers.

What happened to blooming wherever you are without feeling the need to be perfect for a day.

A flower can be pink or wild

Simple but profound

Decidedly rare

Preciously fragile

A far away woodland

But it blooms wherever it is without a filter.

Sounds like a fairytale yeah!

Because I know that my heart beats different, the atmosphere is intense.

Can I try? Definitely

It’s a journey after all

Of trials and errors

To bloom where we are planted!

Singleness 3

“Families are like fudge – mostly sweet with a few nuts.”

We have come to the final episode of Singleness and today I just want to talk about why your singleness is important to your mom, your father, your sisters and other relatives.

When we meet somebody that gives us love, attention and their shoulders, we treat them like family and make them a priority but sometimes we give them the authority to run us in a way that we forget that family time matters. Sibling talks, watching your favourite series together feels foreign because you want to know what’s happening in the world of your friend or boyfriend so much that it occupies your mind.

We tend to forget that it’s important to value your singleness because the moment you know yourself and value where you come from and the teachings you received from childhood, you are ignorant to being a temporary person in somebody’s life, you are intolerant to praising someone who gives you love because you keep talking about how your mother gets on your nerves (Its never the good stuff).

But sometimes you are always on the run, looking for somewhere to start without being connected to your family’s history. You are running away from being called bitter, from hearing your mother’s voice telling you that I was used by men, running from an abusive father to tell yourself that you will never be like that but you don’t believe it. Your singleness is tied to that.

You feed on people’s personalities to feel numb to your family’s history.

As hard as it is you need to find yourself and know who you are outside that little box. You need to allow yourself to cry it out and talk to someone. It’s difficult to talk to the ones that hold that family history but you need to have that conversation.

Yes we should love one another as much as we love yourself and as much as God loves us but one thing you should not do is become a stranger to your own family.

At the end of the day family contributes to who you become and it’s important to value them and have conversations with them.

Singleness 2

The intense feeling of deep affection
The great interest and pleasure in something
The deep affection or sexual love for someone
With plastered broken bones
And happily ever afters with honeymoon phases being the constant martini that everybody sips with joy…

Love is forever a beautiful thing.

Shall we?

Love has a way of making you feel happy and take arguments as a melody that you have to play to make it all sound like rock n roll with a touch of Marvin Gaye.

We find ourselves holding the Cupid arrow over and over again reminiscing on the journey of half baked cakes we consumed and we smile and tell ourselves that he is the one.

As soon as we lose someone we really loved we find ourselves looking for someone new to fill the void the previous lover left. As much as we want to believe that it is the right thing to do, we are creating a bigger hole filled with broken hearts and regrets.

Here is the thing

You can move from one relationship to the next but it won’t build you to be a person you are proud of. Singleness is just as important as marriage. You learn things about yourself that you never knew, you are able to love yourself way more than you did the day before. This is the moment when you can heal from your own miseries that nobody knows without carrying someone else’s baggage.

It’s not a crime to love/like someone but do you love yourself as much?

Do you listen to your own heart beating for you?

We find ourselves in situationships that will never be defined in the near future but we put on blindfold and enjoy the ride and hope for the best.

Sometimes we are just stuck in places because we are afraid to be lonely. We don’t want to tell ourselves beautiful things without hearing them from someone else.

How can you maintain your singleness in a relationship?

We are talking about the love relationship that can be temporary if it wants to.

80/20 rule

It’s about emphasising the importance of spending time on yourself as an individual, as well as nurturing your relationship. You should spend 80% of your time devoted to your relationship, and still have 20% freedom to follow your dreams and do what you want.

Utilise your free time and I know that sometimes you just want to see him next to you exchanging kisses and all that but it’s important to have time for what you want in life.

When you spend a day without seeing your boyfriend, you can have new conversations and have more experiences to share together. Spending 24/7 with your boyfriend leads to dry conversations and if one person is smothered and is unable to pursue their own interests, they become resentful.

In marriage its another thing, you become one. You have tolerated each other’s individuality and fused it together to build a home. One thing to note is when you are not satisfied with your singleness you find yourself regretting the moments you could have worked harder on yourself and your marriage won’t be something you feel happy about.

It’s important to sit down and work on yourself. Relationships can come and go but it doesn’t mean that you have to chase them. Don’t let your mind, body and soul be married to someone. It’s okay to take time off relationships and it’s okay to value your singleness in a relationship that is yet to walk down the aisle.

Singleness 1

Having a relationship with someone can either build you or destroy you. You can see yourself building castles in the air or making everyday worth living.

Welcome to the singleness series. I’m just going to share what I understand about singleness linked to friendships, family and love relationships. Today we are focussing on friendships and how singleness can be achieved.

Singleness is defined as the quality or state of being single.

In friendships we find that people become friends with someone because they fill up the void inside them, they want to be noticed or to mould a character that is acceptable to the world. As an African I can’t share all the details of my love life with my parents so having a human diary I can confide in is important.

Achieving singleness in these different circumstances comes in different colors:

You can still feel like yourself even if your friend is not there.

There are times when you feel good because you managed to let go of the things you bottled up inside to allow fresh thinking to come to your mind because of the company you keep.

You battle with different personalities because at one point you are a party animal and when you are alone you are a bookie, you are a fan of journaling in the park with birds singing and taking in that beautiful nature. At some point it gets exhausting because you have two personalities you have to keep up with. Sometimes it feels like you are missing out and not living your life like its golden but at the end of the day people have to adjust to falling in love with your true self.

The more you hang out with people, you get certain habits from them and if it does not build you it will weigh heavily on your shoulders with one goal that is to change your identity. Your time for growth is too foreign that you live and succeed in someone else’s body.

In love relationships we say that communication is key but we don’t really value communication that much in friendships . We have a pool of friends for different reasons. I’m talking about your go to friend for gossiping, your go to friend sharing your love life, your go to friend for partying or your go to friend who knows money spots. At the end of the day you have created different personalities with people and achieving individuality in those circumstances its hard. It’s just good to have a sit down with your friend and share what this friendship means, do reviews every month or every five months to share what you achieved together, personally are you better than before.

Singleness is beautiful when you have a friend that builds you, motivates you to do better and helps you make history. When you stand alone people don’t feel lost about who you are but they see the positive growth surrounding your identity. Just to note when we talk about your identity we are not only looking at the good, we are looking at your flaws so when you have good company, friendships either build more flaws or polish them.

Don’t get me wrong perfection is not an everyday thing but you can at least improve an imperfection.

The company you keep has an effect on your singleness.