WinterABC: Introduction And Commitment Pledge

Hello my readers!

Today marks the beginning of the Winter Blogging Challenge that I’m gladly taking part in.

What it’s all about.

It’s a 30 day blogging challenge organised by Afrobloggers every year in June(but this time it’s 22 days excluding weekends). The aim of this challenge is to help African Bloggers to pick up on their blogging momentum, building blog traffic, networking with other bloggers that will be writing using the same hashtag #Winteabc. This challenge helps African Bloggers to learn about themselves and their audiences and learn to manage time.

I recommend my fellow African Bloggers to be part of this challenge because its a time when you share your motive as a blogger, what drives you every morning to blog.

You might be wondering why I’m taking up this challenge.

I want to test myself in terms of consistency. Can I really blog everyday subtracting weekends of course.

I want to share my motive as a blogger that is to inspire people through my writing and to change the narrative towards certain issues affecting youths and adults.

I want to share my Zimbabwean culture because culture is what makes us whole and proud to be African.

I can finally say

I Nicole Kurebwaseka of Humanity Boss Blog pledge my commitment to the Winter Blogging Challenge for 22 days.

Let’s start blogging!

Own Your Womanhood

As a woman growing up you were told to sit properly, taught how to serve elders and how to clean dishes. We were taught how to take care of a child (babysitting wars) we were taught how to cook and you know the golden statement for cooking:

“You should learn how to cook. Men do not

like a woman who can’t cook”

Hearing this everyday was kind of irritating and at some point we wished we were boys.

Looking at the bigger picture

Our mothers wanted us to value the power we have as women. The power to nurture, care and multi task.

They wanted us to own our womanhood!

Helen Andelin(author of Fascinating Womanhood) tells us that a woman possesses Angelic and Human Qualities. Angelic qualities has to do with spiritual qualities which includes good character, understanding men, domestic skills and a quality of inner happiness. Human qualities refers to her appearance, manner and feminine nature and includes the charms of femininity, radiance, good health and childlikeness.

Who wouldn’t want to have such amazing qualities.

Qualities of a Super Woman

But let’s not ignore that our golden qualities have turned into a house filled with agony and disrespect. Our womanhood is surrounded by negative connotations.

We hear statements such as:

“Women belong to the kitchen and not in the business world”

“Women should stay at home and take care of children”

With these comments we have detested patriarchy. We thrive to be as independent as possible and possess male qualities. Telling ourselves that I am my own Boss, I don’t need nobody.

We feel like our qualities make us weak beings.

Why should we shun our power?

We cook the meanest chicken, beef or liver

We take care of our children because we are the best nurturers

We are great at multi tasking

Womanhood is not for a day, it’s a celebration of life.

Lets own our womanhood.

Menstruation: Our Arrival To Womanhood

Happy Menstrual Hygiene Day to all the women and girls!

Menstrual blood is the only source that is not traumatically induced. Yet in modern society, this is the most hidden blood, the one so rarely spoken of and almost never seen except privately by women.
~Judy Grahn

Girls prefer to absent themselves from school during this period because they feel embarrassed and dirty. They are not comfortable sitting among boys knowing that they might spoil their uniforms and be the laughing stock of the school.

Moreover the girl child prefers to be absent at school because of lack of access to menstrual hygiene products and it acts as a barrier for a child to reach their full potential in the classroom.

Entering into a supermarket, you find bizarre prices for sanitary ware and you wonder if been on your period is a crime. We are forced to use improvised materials such as rags, leaves and cow dung. The most uncomfortable materials that lead to leaks and infections.

We are surrounded by myths that say we should not cook meat because we are dirty.

But it’s time for action

Your first period is your arrival to womanhood
The time when women should gather around and share their first experiences and talk about how common irregular periods are.

Its time to accept that menstruation is natural, beautiful and powerful. We should celebrate our body’s ability to menstruate.

The fact that menstrual blood is life giving to an unborn child for nine months is amazing.

When pride for menstruation overpowers voices of shame we will redefine the negative social norms around our womanhood.

It’s time to educate the girl child that her arrival to womanhood indicates that you are a real woman.

Womanhood is not a curse but a beauty that needs to be embraced.

#womanhood
#talesofwomanhood

Let’s Talk About Sisterhood

A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life.
~Isadora James

This is an important stage of womanhood because it creates an environment where women can share tips on how to be successful, share their emotional stress, look out for each other and stand up for each other.

Sisterhood within the feminist movement purpose was not a bond against men but to protect women’s interests.

But not all women are fans of sisterhood. It feels like treason in their patriarchal state of mind.

We hear statements such as:
“I prefer hanging around men”
“I don’t do women chit chats”

I understand that sometimes the drama is too much. Boyfriend snatchers drama and gossip drama to be precise.

Bell hooks in her novel “Feminism Is For Everybody” says that as females we have been socialised by patriarchal thinking to see ourselves as always and only in competition with one another for patriarchal approval to look upon each other with jealousy, fear and hatred.

Let’s be real being around men is good sometimes. They are innovative and focused.

In workplaces some women are having sleepless nights to impress that male boss and rise to the top to also give harsh orders and show other women who is boss.

Some women are busy judging someone to prove that they are not all perfect.

The thirst to survive has caused most women to turn against other women and crave power at any cost.

Sisterhood builds
But approval from the patriarchal society drives you crazy.

#womanhood
#talesofwomanhood

Tales Of Womanhood

I’m very excited to cover this topic for the whole week because I have a lot to say about what womanhood meant before and what it means now.

Womanhood is defined as the state of being a woman or a certain period of time when someone is a woman.

In my African world when visitors come to the house they see certain mannerisms, body changes(growing breasts etc) and utter words such as :
“Zvawatova mhandara”
(You are a woman now)

When your menstrual cycle starts people celebrate and say that you are a woman now and give you a 5 minute tutorial of how to take care of yourself when you are on your period.

When you have sexual intercourse with your spouse or your boyfriend they whisper in your ear or praise their abilities saying that today I’m going to make you a woman.

Womanhood is also about being the ideal woman possessing the angelic and the human character inside you. Helen Andelin(Author of Fascinating Womanhood) says that the Angelic character includes good character, understanding of men,domestic skills and a quality of inner happiness. The human side refers to her appearance, manner, and feminine nature and includes charms of femininity, radiance, good health and childlikeness.

When you have a baby, you are at an advanced stage of womanhood…You are a mother. You have shown that you are tough, you have shown that you are patient and capable of creating a home culture that stimulates, forms and civilise those who live in it.

At the end of the day, week, month or year

Being a woman is natural and womanhood is empowerment to this nature.

#womanhood
#talesofwomanhood

Figuring Out Miss Independent

Every guy desires to have an independent modern woman, the kind your mother may not appreciate. When you get one it’s surely celestial, it takes time to sink in and in most times we mess up trying to believe what we have. But independent ladies have their perspective of life. They are a bit complicated, most especially when they start to really love you.

So today am corroborating with another gorgeous blogger from Zimbabwe to take on this predicament that may seem small but it has resulted in many lost out on preciousness.

Why do self-reliant girls tend to do a thing without letting you know, like completely on their own even when they really value as their lover?

They most times come off as intimidating

They take things really slowly

Now, these miss independents are super terrified to be hurt which is human except that for them it’s on another level, frightened of the whole love thing even when they have fallen, even after assuring you.

You will never know they need you, they never show, even when it’s clear they want you the need aspect is always out.

When a lady has been single for a while and they have an autonomous background normally nurtured by their fathers it is like it’s their sort, they don’t want you to come over or them coming, or a weekend away despite them having sentiments deep within.

In a relationship, we kinds strip our inner self and but out our deformities, independent girls take ages to come through and this takes a toll on both parties and all the stakeholders who help to cover-up.

These detached ladies are kind of crazy, they persistently want things to be done their way when they purely mean well for the romance, this is where most of us get lost.

It’s like some kind of crusade for them to let you start doing things for them, like help with basically finances once in a while

If her colleagues know she is independent they stand in the way and are kind of defensive of her and will take forever to trust you creating a wall in the affair

There is always an endless interrogation on dates and meetups about how you feel and think about them, again and again. At this point Nicole Kurebwaseka will proceed with the write up and make a case for Miss independent.

When I read act like a lady think like a man I understood that men want to provide, profess and protect and if they can’t do that they will not marry you or promise any commitment.

Independent woman remove the role to provide and it doesn’t sit well with men.

Yes it is annoying but before you criticise these women you should check the background. Some of these independent women saw their mothers being ill treated by their fathers because the father boasted about being the provider in the house. Some men even say that because I paid lobola for you, I own you. These are different situations that push most women to be independent and stop relying on men.

It’s sad because you grow not knowing how it feels to be loved unconditionally. The fear of submission is stuck at the back of their minds.

It’s a process to break those barriers and I understand that its hard for some men to go through that process. Loving someone that doesn’t show how much they love you and raising questions in your head is a difficult test.

But they say that love is all about sacrifices. Every guy desires to have an independent modern woman, the kind your mother may not appreciate. When you get one it’s surely celestial, it takes time to sink in and in most times we mess up trying to believe what we have. But independent ladies have their perspective of life. They are a bit complicated, most especially when they start to really love you.

But they say that love is all about sacrifices.

#collaboration

Being Positive

Positivity is expensive

I find myself in a corner,
Shattered brains,
Alone and empty
Boxed in a world I never wanted to be.

Unable to accept that some days are awful and some days are blessed

I remember my negative days as if I experienced one of them recently because they reoccur.

Everytime I feel like I’m in a positive space, I cross roads with negativity and it sucks up every positive energy in me. I feel like I have been placed in a dark hole.

I look forward to the next day and yes I wake up feeling positive but at the back of my head I still hear the voices of yesterday’s negativity.

I tell myself countless times:
No Negativity
Focus on the good

But I feel weak when negativity knocks on my door.

It’s time to rewrite my narrative

Letting go of people who bring negativity in my life

Surrounding myself with people filled with joy and positivity

People who speak words that build me

People of high quality (faith and wisdom)

Yes it’s a journey that needs commitment

The most powerful word under the sun

That faced procrastination in my world here and there

But as I said

It’s time for a rewrite!


#personalgrowth

A Time For Everything

Time is precious
Our whole life revolves around time
Time heals
Time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life

Listening to these words being said I always told myself that it’s time to change the narrative because I wanted to let go of things that made me feel like a stranger to myself.

Time and identity

I was really bad at choosing good friends because I was interested in being friends with people who are wild, talkative like me, people who didn’t care about anything. At the back of my mind I felt like being nice sucked and caring too much is done by losers. I wanted a different identity. Tracing back to my high school years I remember the day we had a gig and it ended early. My friends decided to go to Adventure Island which was a place where people danced together and battled. The atmosphere was amazing and we talked about it all day in class the day after. The teacher’s pet heard the conversation, she added a little spice to the story and told the teacher in front of the whole class that we partied somewhere and we are on the front page of a notorious newspaper. I felt happy inside because my identification changed the way I wanted it to but I got into deep trouble lol.

Years passed being this kind of person and I fought the nice person in me until I got tired of the battle.

My true identity ruled and watching Michael Todd sermons made me treasure my identity more because you open doors to knowing who you are, what you want in your life. It’s an exciting feeling and I’m still learning how to guard my identity in challenging situations.

Time and relationships

The pastors say that when your relationship is over, it was not meant to be let it go. As a woman I feel hurt, I feel like my worth is being tampered with, I feel like I’m not lovable or beautiful. I spend weeks feeling that way just because somebody said its over. I have realised that I spend so much time saying those hurtful things to myself instead of asking God to release me from that person so that I can move on and practicing this really made me feel free. It made realise that I should not cry for something temporary and let it get the best of me.

Time and God

I used to think that its over, my relationship with God is dark when I sin and the fact that I had a temporary relationship with him made it worse. But I understood that everything is a journey, you can’t just start praying to God and then the next day you are God’s perfect daughter…It’s okay to take baby steps and understand God’s love for you and following his ways.

There is a time for everything
and a season for every activity under heaven
(Ecclesiastes 3 vs 1)

Being A Proverbs 31 Woman

Who doesn’t want to be A Proverbs 31 Woman?

Nobody!

It’s too good!

Some may view this chapter as being a good wife, I view it as a tool for personal growth.

” A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. (Proverbs 31 vs 10)

This verse speaks to me about knowing my worth as a woman, knowing my purpose, what I am passionate about. It gives me power to know that I’m not validated by earthly riches but I’m driven by my purpose, filled with wisdom and faith. My growth can give people motivation and inspiration.

“She considers a field and buys it, out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.” Vs16

Clouded by stereotypes that women can’t do as much as men, this verse assures me that its possible to have big dreams and make them a reality. There is no limitation to what you want to achieve.

“She sets about her work vigorously, her arms are strong for her tasks.” Vs17

Sometimes I feel like screaming when I have a lot of work but as women we were given a gift to multi task and with that gift we are able to do a lot of things and make something great out of each task we are given or each task we give ourselves. That’s a powerful trait and it made me feel good about being a woman.

“She gets up while its still dark, she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. ” vs15

Okay about waking up early…I suck at that to be honest. So clearly I have a long way to go to becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman. From this verse I understood that if you want to start your day with direction and a great motive, you should start your day early in the morning. Meditation to start your day on a clean slate , exercising, and enjoying your favourite sermons in the morning.I created a motto to keep My Proverbs 31 Woman Mindset on a high.

I am confident
I am wonderful
I am God’s creation
I am Proverbs 31 Woman

A Recycled Virgin

“Don’t open your legs to any man who is not your husband because you are not obliged to give all of you to a person who is temporary.”

The words of a loving mother, a caring mother, a mother that wants the best for her daughter.

But values changed, I loved a man and loved another one

And it wasn’t just the statements that made it all rosy, my mind, body and soul was involved.

The unwanted pregnancies, the diseases, the damage conquered my mind everytime I made love with someone.

I cried in a corner pleading with God to give me my period even though it was safe sex and I promised Him that I will never do it again.

But truth is it never stops, the addiction comes back to you, and you resist and comply.

I read novels looking for a sentence or a paragraph that can tell me that sex is not everything but I was not lucky.

They told me that nomatter how much we try to run away from sex its something that always keeps a man unless you have standards.

Standards from a person who has been with other men.

Seemed impossible

The truth came knocking on my door

My mother started ranting about how men used her and left her with nothing to hold on but regrets and sorrow.

My body trembled

And there I was trying to gather the pieces of my dignity

Searching for my identity

Moving away from toxic mindsets

Building a better me

Praying to God

It was hard to leave everything I believed was an act of love

But I had to sacrifice my desires and wait on God.

I became what they termed Recycled Virgin

Signed
Recycled Virgin

The Certified Side Chick

I fell in love, with the most handsome guy. I remember him approaching me and ranting about his virginity. My partriarchal state of mind could not believe that a grown man like him is a virgin.

Months passed and he convinced me that love can be shown in different ways.

I was ready to give him my dignity

I wore a black dress as if I was going to a funeral, I opened the door and there he was smiling. He held me like a Queen and made love to me. I screamed in pain.

And

He whispered in my ear, “You are a Woman now”

I went to his house countless times because he made me feel like a Queen. He carried me and kissed me passionately.

I had found my one.

The words of my mother roared in my ear,”Never Value A Man”, when I sat on the floor looking at my King smiling at another woman with a caption of the one word he never uttered to me…I love you with all my heart.

Looking in the mirror, I saw burning cities with my name on it, a blind world, definition of a home wrecker, the dark soul, the fool, the side meal!

He dared to tell me that nothing is going to change

I love you

You are my sweet nana

And with that I became the certified side chick

Feasting on the forbidden fruit

Acting as if I had everything when I have nothing

But a meaningless life.

Acting as if I knew nothing about the sexual world.

A Saint in the eyes of many but a Certified Side Chick inside.

Signed
Certified Side Chick

The Black Sheep

In the body of a black sheep.

In the midst of darkness, I only heard voices of rejection, mistrust, discouragement, disgrace. I write it down, and dare to say dear mother, dear father….I hate you with all my being. It was not always like this, I remember. I was a positive child, I loved to clean and draw pictures of my mother. I had the most amazing smile and my mother was proud to call me her daughter. Every birthday of mine was memorable.

But it faded.

Been the responsible child I saved money to buy chocolates and all the things my mother did not want to spoil me with. But it didn’t seem that way with my mother because she thought I was getting money from boyfriends and she slapped me.

The so called golden daughter days were over. Nothing I did was right. My Mother asked herself everyday what she did wrong and I felt like the unwanted child for the first time. I built a wall and told myself that I will never succumb to her regrets.

I was in a lecture everyday of my life, a bad day in the kitchen turned into hurtful words, ” She doesn’t want to cook for us, she says hurtful words in her heart.”

I could not ask for permission to go anywhere because I was denied the opportunity. I tried to sneak out and I was bad at it because I was caught and scolded til I’m left with nothing to say and tears trickling down my cheeks. I could not live a normal life anymore.

To make matters worse, I was not the brightest of them all, I had to write over and over again til I got the mathematics right. I did a course I never wanted just to get my parents off my back.

In my dark world, I brought a baby into the world, a baby of a black sheep. I was terrified, scared but I needed someone that can tell me that I’m not a disgrace, an outcast, a pariah state!

Now I have no right of what I want for my baby. She tries so hard to make my baby upright and respectful unlike me but she made me this way.

Signed
Black Sheep