Just to scratch the surface, marriage in my generation has become something that is fun, twisted and different from how our mothers and fathers perceive marriage. After 6 months or 9 months, young couples are tying the knot and having gorgeous babies and going to vacations. The most beautiful thing I have seen in the streets is the popularity of couples Youtube channels. Young couples are sharing their love journey and making some of us manifest that kind of marriage life but your story always hits different.
Buckle up my readers for this beautiful and youthful series. There is no room for sad love stories just facts upon facts.
I finally gathered the courage to write this letter after battling with what to say to you that hasn’t been said before so that I don’t sound as if I am selling you dreams. As I take on this wheel, I just want to drive you wild.
As the sun rises, my thoughts can’t get enough of thinking about the aftermath of, ‘I do’, the burning desire between you and I when the joyous screams and the music stop. Its a little far fetched but heaven is too much fun with you in my thoughts. I wonder if you love to sleep in for five more minutes after the alarm goes off, if you love dancing to shake off the grumpy morning feels with a big smile on your face and your heart beating loud.
I am a black bird that has been caged before, lost in the dark corners of love but I keep falling for you looking forward to a ride for miles and miles, going slow or fast through bumpy roads and the nice curves and swear to take only you on this beautiful ride called our love life.
I can be a loud mouth and an embarrassment but who are we without a little drama.
My mouth is stubborn when it comes to keeping my next move quiet…
A little context.
I have days when I talk about my life as if it’s a movie and its always titled, ‘MY NEXT MOVE’. Something about people’s opinions makes the idea in my head make sense. I remember one time I shared a certain idea to my friend and he was supportive, loading other ideas on top and for a week or two I followed his train of thought on my idea and tried so hard to implement it from that angle but failed. Learnt how to stick to my idea the hard way.
Even when you are thinking of writing a superb blog, the moment you tell your readers something big is coming up, its really hard to give it your all. The words flee. The pressure is real. People will come back for updates shame or watch from terraces and judge you however they want because you failed to deliver the big thing.
Sometimes silence pays off.
What are the benefits?
• No pressure from people. You move at your own pace and deliver something substantial and satisfying. • Honesty. There is a difference between sharing your project with someone who is close to you and sharing it with an expert who does not filter anything. It’s strictly professional advice that will help you grow. If its still an idea just be careful because if you are dealing with someone who has the resources, they might take it away from you. • Peace of mind
Am I the only one who is sometimes clueless about what they want, don’t understand where their emotions are coming from? Is it possible to be that confused with your own life?
Just to give a little context I have moments when I am in the middle of an argument and I am winning but all of sudden I start to cry…it’s so weird! I haven’t taken the time to understand why but as part of my personal growth journey that I am going to share with you, I’m working on investing time into self-understanding.
Self-understanding is understanding of oneself, knowledge or understanding of one’s own capabilities, character, feelings or motivations. It is linked to the self- concept theory which consists of social, values, goals, abilities and beliefs.
Its not one sided, you don’t have to crack your head trying to understand yourself, your friends and family or your partner can share one or two things they understand about you. It can be negative so you need to buckle up and get ready to draft solutions.
From my point of view, self-understanding starts with you and what you have realized about yourself because things don’t happen twice without you noticing it. To be able to do this you have to be very attentive to your reactions to people and how you feel about them. Sometimes when you communicate with someone, there is a certain tone you give and if you are not attentive you won’t feel like there is something amiss about how you communicated with that certain someone.
On that reaction note, I understood the importance of knowing your capabilities in hostile environments and warm, calm environments. In hostile environments you can be capable of throwing fists at someone or hideous insults so its important to understand yourself and solve it the best way you can. Calm environments on the other hand have a tendency of embarrassing you because they make you act crazy or lose yourself sometimes. Personally, I have a fair share of those moments and I try by all means to keep my mouth shut lol.
Here are some ways you can use to understand yourself better (just my two cents, if you love it…great)
1. Journal everyday 2. Do some self-therapy (asking yourself why – it can be about an argument or self-sabotage or comparison) 3. Listen to your environment (are you in sync with your environment) 4. Love yourself
Nechirimo wakandivimbisa kuti tichagara tese Zuva racho ratondinonokera Kuti tigare tese Ini ndakaramba ndakabatira ndichiti: Ruva rangu ndiwe chete Ndiwe muridzi wemoyo wangu Akazvigamuchira kwechinguvana, asi mutauro wevakuru wakazadzikiswa. Moyo wangu wakaramba kuzvitenda, ndichitarira mifananidzo nekunzwa izwi rake mupfungwa mangu ndichiti nechemumoyo, ‘One day is one day’.
Long distance relationships have forever proven the importance of their existence for the longest time. Some have made it the norm to date someone or have a relationship with someone who is far away so that they have more room for themselves which is the same as being single. Not forgetting the core of long-distance relationships that is the ever-reigning statements such as, ‘I wish you were here with me’. these are the go-to punchlines of long-distance relationships.
The distance between these relationships is not always about one person is in Zimbabwe and the other one is in Dubai, sometimes its local.
Let me give an overview of why these types of relationships work and why they don’t work from experience and what I heard from other people.
The major component for the success of a long-distance relationship is commitment. The funny thing is long distance relationships have honeymoon phases whereby you are playing hard to get and making the man/woman work for your affection. You are committing to getting to know him/her better in terms of likes, dislikes, culture, daily life, intentions via social media platforms. If you pass the stage you really love this man/woman because it tends to get boring to type messages to a person you have not met physically. The moment you commit to this phase you will be ready to have a taste of each other’s cultures for a weekend and possibly meet each other’s families physically. I would call this phase the adventurous part of being in a long-distance relationship. And of course, after that wedding bells are guaranteed because there is no question about commitment unless if your family was unwelcoming that can be a red flag.
The journey of loving someone from a different country can be mental and really shady. From my personal experience it was a mixture of both, I was left a lot of questions more than answers in every conversation that we had online. The most mental part was when he just went silent for close to a month, a lot of things went through my mind and him resurfacing telling me that he was robbed and nearly died was just the icing on the cake. Long story short. So, the major reason why these relationships don’t work is because of the lies, lack of commitment and empty promises. When it comes to these long-distance relationships you need to be a man/woman of action to make it last, if its off the table then you are wasting each other’s time.
It turned out to be a long article! Feel free to comment your experiences or thoughts on long distance relationships so that we can keep sipping this coffee.
Hello my readers. Hope you all have a fruitful week.
In marriages, some are comfortable being led by men and some are comfortable being led by women.
Let’s talk about the tired independent married woman who provides for her man, takes care of the children in terms of school fees and food in their stomachs. In this situation the man is always promising that he is going to provide but he is not working hard enough, his words have empty meanings. As a result, the woman leaves the apartment together with the children and furniture too. She leaves the man to pay the rent by himself.
They are two sides involved in this story namely the traditional and the modern side of marriage expectations. Traditionally it is not acceptable for a woman to leave her husband just because she cannot stand his financial instability. The famous statement remains, “Ndiwe wakada zvemumba shingirira.” Traditional parents or the traditional marriage expect you to study your person, give him the zeal to succeed, cook for him, respect him even though he does not have money to provide for you. In terms of respect its possible if you understand each other on how you are both contributing to a loving home. But the egos and the prides always claim their territory in these kinds of situations. Its like a 5-minute snack that keeps recurring.
The modern side of marriage however does not spare the man. The theory of the modern side of marriage is centered on pushing the man to the corner to put some action that yield results. It may hurt but it makes haste. Plus leaving the man with little furniture is the cherry on top. In the society this type of reaction to issues labels women as selfish and incapable of loving, weak and disrespectful. This modern side of marriage does not subscribe to men who do not know that they are Kings and they need to provide because they believe it is the duty of the mother to let their son know the King DNA in their system.
I personally think that, as a woman who is providing for the family, there should be an understanding about how we are going to run the family and keep it standing. If this understanding is not developed then that’s when your man starts to give half-baked commitments to providing for the family. Its not like I am traditional but its something that needs to be done. But when push comes to shove best believe I will pull a modern married woman on you. Drastic measures need to be drawn to put your man on track. Its true to a certain extent that behind every successful man there is a woman and that woman can pull many tricks to keep that standard even if you are starting from the bottom.
The roses smelled so divine and the chocolates made my stomach rumble. He pulled my chair and kissed me on my cheek in front of everyone. My heart skipped a lot of beats. Love was in the air. The laughs and the attention was priceless.
A dream I wished my papa gave to me ever since I was young but all I can hear is mama telling me that men are nothing but users. All I can hear is papa asking me why do you need a boyfriend sipping his beer, making me yearn for a different kind of love.
A taste of a golden ear
A taste of a father and daughter dance
I mastered the ways of being a Daddy’s little girl in a man who pulled a chair for me, took me to expensive dinners and opened the car door as we parked outside his mansion. Promising me the finer things in life.
But being grateful for a taste of the love I yearned for from one man was not enough.
One chair at a time, I am becoming the loved daughter.
Walking in the House of the Lord, you are battling with forgetting about the best night of your life at the bar sipping a whiskey sour coupled with crazy dance moves on the floor but somebody’s son is fishing for a church woman in me.
The name is Ngoni.
He came to me like an axe aiming to strike my ever-reigning confidence to men by labelling me as the most clueless person about relationships. His lips forever sweet made me bow down to his way of loving and feel like it’s different.
I was the Queen of his Kingdom and he was the man that glowed different in mine. He whispered words of love into my ear, held my hand, bought me ice cream every Sunday after mass and all I did was attract as much attention from him and others with my fashion sense. A part of me wanted to look like a trophy wife for him and it felt like I still had a chance to collect my confidence.
He escorted me to his humble home with a smile on his face and his head held high, a bounce with each step he takes and a little touch on the shoulder. The expectations of a nicely packed home crumbled down as I saw the same design of a home, I dream of renovating ever since I was a little child, a one room space, small but big to those who have grown in it.
We played mother and father with an audience behind a curtain.
We played mother and father in a room with tiled walls to come out smelling like people who have taken a shower.
I sat on his laps as he talked about his love journey, inhaling the scent of our labor.
He told me he would come for me
After I have explored life’s greatest desires
The greatest desires that made me feel like his love was not enough The greatest desires that opened up doors to more whiskey sour nights
And a play to end the journey of a man who found a church woman in me.
Hello my readers and happy new week and may your goals for the week prosper.
Most people say that money is the most dangerous thing in romantic relationships. In this beautiful blog post we are going to cover how money is building and destroying romantic relationships.
Let me start with girlfriend allowance. We have ladies out there who feel entitled to a girlfriend allowance because they believe their boyfriends should take on the daddy role. The biological father is non-existent. This can be something that is admirable because your boyfriend wants to show you that he can provide for you. There are different ways of giving allowances, the first one being money. That time when your boyfriend gives you money to buy whatever you want. I am really against this because it threatens my value as a woman. It feels like I am doing something right in the relationship that is fulfilling the needs and wants in the bedroom. And then there are allowances that are indirect. This is when your man takes you out on a date/massage/vacations. Instead of being handed money, you are doing these things together. Lets say you are a person who does her nails from time to time and you communicate it a lot there is a high chance that you guys will go to a spa date and he can get his feet soaked in that therapeutic water. It can be in form of surprises. Its about a man showing that he wants to take care of you from time to time and he appreciates you. The difference!
Is it okay for your significant other to make more money than you? This is not new so I’m going to be short and precise. Sometimes independent women have a tendency of showing off, they feel like its a chance to prove to men they can be powerful and be the breadwinners. I don’t blame them because there is still work to do when it comes to accepting a woman’s idea on the business table. To eliminate this we need to accept women’s capabilities.
When it comes to marriage, some do not have an issue getting into marriage financially unstable. They want to be the housewife. There are some however who want to have their own money. The reasons I have heard on the streets include, ‘I dont want to be stranded when push comes to shove, I want to be able to walk away and still live my life. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a housewife but there is a difference between just being a housewife and being a smart housewife. A smart housewife makes sure that the family doesn’t go hungry, she is a great advisor and sometimes the chief financial officer.
For pre-marital relationships, I think you should decide who you want to be before you get into marriage. The independent woman or the smart housewife and communicating your feelings to your Husband to be.
Marriage however there is more to it. Firstly knowing your money habit and finding ways to deal with it together with your husband. Having one chief officer who tracks the budget and checks the credit cards. In a relationship there is always that one person who is good with money. Joint accounts which will cover expenses such as rent, utilities and vacations. Married couples should also have monthly money talk when they review bills, budget, goals and what went well and what needs to be shaped up.
The most interesting solution is a prenup. I’m just gonna say Thakor recommends framing it as a finacial check up. Its a great opportunity to do a full financial physical and create a roadmap for the future.
The paper can be good and sometimes its a deal breaker.
I came across this type of man been talked about by one of my favorite YouTubers and I felt like I need to have a coffee conversation about this man.
Let me start with the traits of a high value man.
He commits to himself and others. When it comes to his career, his personal growth and his friendships, this guy operates on full commitment. He either goes all in or not at all. He is comfortable with commitment; values loyalty and knows if its a match. If its not he will move along even if it means being alone.
A high value man loves putting forth effort to a woman. He puts the effort and takes pride in mastering details. He never asks a woman what she wants to do but he asks her about her interests, likes and dislikes then he plans from there. He shows his efforts in the bedroom. He takes great pride in pleasuring his woman sexually. He wants his time with her to last as long as possible
He is a great conversationalist. He reads, seen some cool Ted talks and attends seminars. He does not brag or come across as a know it all but he knows what he knows and is confident in sharing.
This man is beutiful and its not a dream because there are men like this. In my world I have interacted with different men, romantically and conversation wise and sometimes I just analysed from a distance and created my own understanding. I have realised that men do have the ability to be loyal because you hear men saying that this is my woman and you feel what he feels in that moment and you are like he means what he is saying. Its a forever thing. And then there are moments when he says these words and we believe him but then it turns out to be a short-term thing. About realising that this person is not your match, I have realised that some men know that this person is not their match but they don’t move along, they stay but their hearts belong to a community.
Men are well known for being Mr. Fix it, sometimes its not asked for but they have that urge to fix the problems. Sometimes its nice and other times its unbearable. When it comes to conversations, I screamed on this part because the way I love intelligent conversations! Its beyond. But its a two way street because you can’t crave an intelligent conversation when you are not giving the same energy back.
The long lasting sex part is admirable lol. Rushing through the process is a no no, take the time to navigate the sweet spots. One part of a high value man that is on point!
However, all that glitters is not gold. In my native language a high value man is described as, “munhu anoshusha”. Since his standards are so high I have to keep up and stress about my next 5 star move. Its more of dating a brick because he always brings his A game, you don’t really have the opportunity to see his weakness.
I feel like its better to have some traits of a high value man, a full force is a grenade about to explode.
Hello my readers. It feels good to be back after wrestling with exams and the sleepless nights were real lol. To boost myself I felt like a coffee conversation was much needed to energize myself.
In my world, the meaning of standards was something linked to relationships. I didn’t take the time to reflect on my personal standards without involving someone. Standards are defined as a level of quality or attainment.
Personal standards are like a personal constitution which are based on certain principles and values. They become the basis for making life-directing decisions and the basis for making daily decisions. Most people say that if you set higher standards, you are guaranteed to succeed and I agree because sometimes you need to be ruthless to get things done but it can be stressful because of the pressure. From my point of view, its better to start with simpler standards such as communicating with people elegantly.
It is important to respect yourself. They are moments in life when I failed to respect myself and my standards and it usually resulted from peer pressure. When your girls or guy friends come through and invite you to a party and you don’t want to be the killer vibe coupled by YOLO…it becomes a definite yes. You lose yourself and you start to think that living on the edge is the best thing ever. From that one downfall you become the famous drinker or party animal because you lost control of yourself. I even remember this one time I used to go to events to see this guy I was into at the time. I tried by all means to create conversations to sound cool and sassy…I know it was kind of stupid…it was stupid. I didn’t care if he liked someone else, I was on that get what I want roller coaster and respect for myself was the last thing on the list. When you respect yourself, you have this authority over your life and you are selfish with your values which is something that is needed.
Relationship standards are overrated and the same. Things such as independency, financial stability (we don’t want to go hungry), must follow through, must take you out, must have similar values and the must treat me with respect vibes. I am all for it but there is a difference between standards and expectations. We need to understand that a standard is a set of guidelines or ideas of how you will conduct yourself for example always telling your boyfriend where the first date is so that you have a way home in case the date got uncomfortable. Expectations on the other hand its about how we would like situations to turn out or how we would like other people to behave for example you expect your boyfriend to communicate with you everyday or throughout the day. Most of the time we tell our boyfriends are our expectations and standards not so much. We need to normalize voicing our standards more, expectations are good but some are high on weed lol.
Set realistic standards that you can keep up with and value.
Coming from a person who has struggles with time management, this book helped me to appreciate time and make use of it. I love that the book did not beat around the bush, the facts were violent yet useful. I never really calculated how many hours I have in a week until I read this book and I made it a point to write how many hours I spent being productive in one week. The fact that its a small book and it carries so much wisdom when it comes to time management made me appreciate the author even more and his writing style.
What I learnt from the book
“The way that we conduct ourselves and our business is consistent with the value that we attach to our time.” “The decision that you make on your time will ultimately shape your destiny.” These two quotations spoke volumes and influenced my appreciation of time even now.